So You Want a Squirrel Sidekick? Not So Fast, Nutty Friend! ️ ♀️
Ever looked at a bushy-tailed bandit in Central Park and thought, "Man, that'd be a cool pet!" Hold your horses (or, well, hold your acorns)! Because while those little acrobats are undeniably cute, keeping a squirrel as a pet in New York is a recipe for a fuzzy faux pas.
The Big Apple Says "No Nuts About That"
New York City has a long list of "no way, José" animals when it comes to pets, and squirrels are scurrying right at the top. We're talking illegal, folks. The Department of Health has a heart (probably made of tiny traffic cones, but a heart nonetheless) and knows squirrels are wild creatures. They need the freedom to frolic, forget about rent, and bury their winter stash of pizza crusts in peace.
Think about it: Would YOU want to live in a tiny apartment, your only exercise wheel a fire escape? Exactly. Besides, squirrels can carry diseases and have a strong urge to, ahem, redecorate your furniture with their impressive chewing skills.
But Wait! There's More! (Because Why Not Milk This for All Its Worth?)
Maybe you're adventurous (or maybe just have a serious case of squirrel fever). If you live outside the five boroughs, there's a glimmer of hope (but a very faint glimmer). New York State allows ownership of some non-native squirrels, like the exotic-sounding Prevost's squirrel. But this path is fraught with peril!
- Finding Fiona: These fancy fellas aren't exactly roaming the streets. You'll need a special breeder, and they don't come cheap. So say goodbye to that dream of snagging a squirrel on your next bodega run.
- Building a Beastly Bachelor Pad: Squirrels need space to climb, jump, and stash their ill-gotten gains (read: all your missing socks). Think elaborate enclosures, not shoeboxes.
- Are You Speaking Squirrel? These chatty critters have a complex communication system. Get ready for a crash course in squeaks, chirps, and tail flicks.
Honestly, the hassle is enough to make your head spin faster than a hamster on a wheel.
So How Do I Get My Squirrel Fix?
Alright, alright, we get it. You crave some cuteness in your life. Here are some squirrel-friendly alternatives:
- Become a Central Park Regular: Head to the park and watch the squirrels do their thing. Just don't try to feed them – they have a perfectly good (albeit slightly questionable) diet of garbage and forgotten hot dogs.
- Embrace the Plushie Power: There are some truly adorable squirrel plushie toys out there. They won't chew your furniture, and you can cuddle them guilt-free.
- Volunteer at a Wildlife Rehab Center: Help care for injured or orphaned squirrels. It's a great way to get your squirrel fix while doing something good.
FAQ: Unleashing Your Inner Squirrel Whisperer (Not Really)
How to identify a non-native squirrel? Unless you have a degree in advanced squirrelology, best leave this to the professionals. Stick with admiring the fluffy grey (or sometimes black!) ones in the park.
How to build a squirrel enclosure? There are resources online, but again, this is a complicated project. Maybe consider a more low-maintenance pet, like a goldfish (though, don't flush them!).
How to talk squirrel? Probably not happening, but there are some resources to learn about squirrel communication. Just remember, they might be judging your attempts.
How to convince my landlord to let me keep a squirrel? Good luck with that. Most leases have a clause about "no exotic pets," and squirrels fall under that umbrella (with a very fluffy parachute).
How to get over my disappointment? Treat yourself to a giant slice of New York-style pizza. Maybe a squirrel stole a slice from you once – now it's payback time (in a delicious, non-vengeful way).
