How the Houston Texans Can STILL Make the Playoffs (Without Needing a Time Machine)
Texans fans, gather 'round the metaphorical campfire (because an actual fire might violate NRG Stadium regulations). It's May, the weather's hot, and the playoff picture for our beloved Texans is...well, let's just say it looks more like a Jackson Pollock painting than a masterpiece of strategic brilliance. But fear not, for within this post lies a glimmer of hope, a sprinkle of outrageous possibility, and a whole lot of "what ifs" that will have you both chuckling and clutching your jerseys.
Scenario 1: Mano a Mano with the Colts (or...Horse vs. Bull?)
The Bold and the Beautiful: This one's simple. Beat the Indianapolis Colts in their own house. No sweat, right? Just our scrappy Texans squad waltzing into enemy territory and snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. Easy as pie, except that pie is a ferocious Andrew Luck impersonator and our guys are armed with...well, we'll find out in week 18!
The Hitch? The Colts are no slouches, and Indy with something to prove is a scary sight. But hey, the Texans have surprised us before, right? Remember that time they...crickets chirping Okay, moving on.
Scenario 2: The Jacksonville Shuffle (and Maybe a Side of Salsa?)
The Improbable But Hilarious: This scenario involves the Jacksonville Jaguars doing something they haven't done much of lately: winning. Specifically, winning against the Tennessee Titans. Now, this might be like expecting a rogue squirrel to win a chess match against a grandmaster, but hey, stranger things have happened.
The Reward? If the Jags pull off the upset and the Texans win against the Colts (see Scenario 1), then Houston snags the AFC South crown and a shiny playoff spot! Just picture the celebrations – JJ Watt riding a triumphant Trevor Lawrence into the sunset (metaphorically, because it's probably still daylight).
Scenario 3: The Interdimensional Vortex (Because Why Not?)
Let's Get Weird: Here's where things get interesting. We're talking a three-way cosmic dance involving the Texans, the Pittsburgh Steelers, and yes, even the Jacksonville Jaguars (though hopefully not winning this time). Basically, the Texans need a tie against the Colts, the Jags need a loss to the Titans, and the Steelers need to lose or tie against the Ravens.
The Odds? About as likely as finding a perfectly cooked steak growing on a tree. But hey, if 2020 taught us anything, it's that the unexpected loves the NFL.
So there you have it, folks! A roadmap to the playoffs that ranges from the plausible to the downright fantastical. Will the Texans make it? Who knows? But one thing's for sure: it'll be an entertaining ride, filled with nail-biting finishes, heart-stopping moments, and enough "what ifs" to fuel a season's worth of bar debates. So grab your Texanium-infused snacks, buckle up, and get ready for a wild finish!
