How the Houston Texans Can ACTUALLY Make the Playoffs (Without a DeLorean)
Let's face it, Texans fans. The playoffs haven't exactly been our stomping grounds lately. But hey, that's why they call them postseason, right? There's always a chance, even if that chance involves dodging meteor showers and rogue squirrels with laser eyes.
So, buckle up for a highly scientific (read: wildly optimistic) breakdown of how the Texans can snag that elusive playoff spot:
Scenario 1: The Straight Shooter
This is the simplest path, and involves minimal celestial intervention. The Texans gotta win their next game. You know, like actual football winning. Here's the catch: it's against a vengeful Indianapolis team. Think desperate wolverine with a decent passing game.
Sub-Scenario 1a: The Jacksonville Shuffle
If the Texans pull off a win, PARTY TIME. But wait, there's more! To claim the AFC South crown, they'll need a little help from their not-so-friendly division rivals, the Jacksonville Jaguars. Basically, the Jags gotta lose to the Tennessee Titans. Think of it as a public service announcement: "Please, Jaguars, for the love of all things J.J. Watt, lose this game."
Scenario 2: The Hail Mary (with a Side of Gummy Bears)
Let's be honest, Scenario 1 might be a bit of a stretch. But fear not, fellow Texans fans, because we have options! In this scenario, the Texans only need to tie the Colts. Easy, right? Like taking candy from a baby... a very confused baby with a football fetish.
Now, here's where things get tricky. We need a three-peat of cosmic weirdness:
- The Jaguars gotta lose to the Titans (see Scenario 1a).
- The Pittsburgh Steelers gotta lose (or tie) against the Baltimore Ravens. Because, you know, chaos.
Sub-Scenario 2a: The Interdimensional Texans
Let's say the football gods are feeling particularly sadistic and none of the above happens. Well, there's always the possibility of a space-time tear opening up and depositing the 2019 Texans right into the playoffs. Hey, a man can dream, right?
Remember, folks, these are just a few possibilities. The road to the playoffs might be paved with unexpected twists and turns, like a rogue tumbleweed carrying the winning touchdown. But that's the beauty of the NFL, anything can happen! Stay strong, Texans fans, and keep the faith (and maybe some lucky gummy bears) handy.
