So You Want to Be Big News...Even After You're Gone? How to Score an Obituary in the New York Times
Let's face it, folks, nobody wants to kick the bucket. But hey, if you gotta go, wouldn't it be snazzy to have your life story immortalized in the hallowed pages of the New York Times? You know, for your ghostly bragging rights.
Fear not, aspiring post-mortem penmanship stars! Here's your one-stop guide to getting that coveted obit in the Gray Lady.
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| How Do I Get An Obituary In The New York Times |
Step 1: Live a Life Worth Obit-ing About (This Might Be Tricky)
Okay, this might be the most challenging part. Living a life so spectacular that the New York Times deems you newsworthy, even after your last breath. Did you cure cancer? Invent a teleportation device? Or perhaps you aced every game of charades at your local pub (an impressive feat, by the way).
Now, don't get discouraged if you haven't solved world hunger or won a Nobel Prize. The Times loves quirky stories too! Maybe you were the world's champion thumb-twister or the undefeated queen of karaoke renditions of "My Heart Will Go On." Hey, uniqueness counts!
Step 2: Don't Haunt the Wrong People (Unless You're a Famous Ghost)
Unless you're Casper the Friendly Ghost, haunting the New York Times offices probably won't land you an obituary. Thankfully, there's a much more civilized approach: Legacy.com. These folks are basically the obituary wranglers of the internet, and they'll help you craft a fitting tribute (for a fee, of course).
QuickTip: Read with curiosity — ask ‘why’ often.
You can write it yourself, or enlist the help of a tearjerking wordsmith friend (just make sure they're not secretly vying for your prized porcelain cat collection).
Remember, keep it factual and interesting. Nobody wants to read a snoozefest about your love of beige carpeting.
Step 3: Be Prepared to Pony Up Some Dough (Unless You're a Pulitzer Winner)
The New York Times doesn't exactly give away prime obituary real estate. Prices can vary depending on the day of the week (weekends are pricier) and the length of your obit (think haiku vs. Tolstoy). But hey, consider it an investment in your after-life fame!
Don't worry, it's not a king's ransom. But maybe hold off on that extravagant last hurrah luau.
QuickTip: Every section builds on the last.
How To FAQs:
Q: How long can my obituary be?
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A: The Times has word limits, but they're flexible. Generally, aim for shorter and sweeter to avoid breaking the bank.
Q: Can I include a photo?
QuickTip: Reread for hidden meaning.
A: Absolutely! A picture is worth a thousand sniffs (or should that be tears?).
Q: How long does it take to get my obituary published?
A: The New York Times works fast, but verification and editing take time. Plan ahead to ensure your obit runs when you, well, aren't around to read it.
Q: Can I write my own obituary?
Tip: Rest your eyes, then continue.
A: Sure! Just be prepared for some good-natured ribbing from your loved ones when they discover you've been secretly chronicling your own greatness.
Q: What if I'm not famous enough for the New York Times?
A: Don't despair! Many local newspapers offer obituary sections. And hey, there's always the chance you'll achieve post-mortem viral fame for that amazing sock collection.
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