Worried About Your Buddy in the Windy City? How to Stage a Hilariously Non-Creepy Wellness Check in Chicago
Let's face it, Chicago winters can be enough to make anyone want to hibernate...forever. But if you have a friend in the Second City whose silence is starting to sound more like "Silence of the Lambs" than peaceful solitude, it's time for a wellness check.
Hold on there, Sherlock Holmes. You don't need to dust off your deerstalker hat and magnifying glass (although a magnifying glass for those deep-dish pizzas might be a good idea). Here's how to ensure your friend isn't just living their best life encased in a mountain of cheese and regret, all while maintaining your status as "Cool Friend" and not "Overbearing Stage-Five Clinger."
Step 1: Embrace the Art of the Non-Sequitur Text
Gone are the days of boring "Hey, how are you?" messages. Chicago thrives on bold choices, so hit your friend up with a zinger like:
- "Yo, is it true there's a secret society of hot dog connoisseurs who meet under the giant bean? Asking for a friend..."
- "Just saw a squirrel ice skating on Lake Michigan. Did you miss the memo about the penguin uprising?"
- "Did you finally perfect the art of deep-dish without heartburn? Asking for myself (and possibly all of humanity)." (This one is a sneaky way to gauge their well-being while also expressing your own deep desires.)
Step 2: The Power of Suggestion (Delivered via Emoji, Obviously)
If texts go unanswered, don't despair! It's time to unleash the emoji arsenal. Here's your decoder ring:
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- = "Thinking about that epic pizza we devoured. You still alive?"
-
- = "Chicago's getting chilly! Did you finally hibernate with the bears?"
- ** + = "Sending emergency pizza and rescue squad. Your silence is concerning (but hopefully delicious)."** (This playful escalation might just jog their memory.)
Step 3: The Cavalry Arrives (But Hopefully on a Bicycle)
Still radio silence? Fear not! Chicago's got a vibrant network of friends, neighbors, and delivery people. Casually drop a line to a mutual friend:
- "Hey, have you seen [Friend's Name] lately? They're starting to make Bigfoot look social."
- "Thinking of sending a care package of deep-dish and Pepto-Bismol to [Friend's Name]'s place. You down to be the delivery hero?" (This option injects humor while also recruiting help.)
Remember: The key is to be lighthearted and, well, a little bit ridiculous. A Chicago wellness check should be fun, friendly, and maybe involve a giant inflatable tube man. After all, laughter truly is the best medicine (besides deep-dish, of course).
P.S. If your attempts are met with a "Dude, I'm chilling. Leave me to my Netflix and my army of stuffed bears!" response, then consider it a mission accomplished. Your friend is alive, well, and possibly about to embark on a very interesting documentary about the emotional lives of Beanie Babies.
