How Many Serial Killers Are Lurking in the City of Angels? An Unofficial Investigation
Ah, Los Angeles. The land of sunshine, celebrities, and...serial killers?
Okay, maybe that last one isn't exactly on the tourism brochures, but it does get you thinking. Just how many creepy crawlies are out there lurking beneath the palm trees?
The Classified Files of the LAPD
The truth is, nobody knows for sure. The number of serial killers in LA is a statistic kept under wraps by the LAPD, filed away next to "Top Secret Celebrity Mullet Photos" and "Best Places to Hide a Body in the Hollywood Hills" (hopefully those last two files are just myths).
Let's Play a Game: LA Serial Killer Guesstimania!
But hey, that isn't very fun, is it? So, buckle up, Angelinos (and anyone else who's curious), because we're going to play a little game I like to call "LA Serial Killer Guesstimania!"
The rules are simple: I throw out some hypotheticals, and you try not to peek at the answer key behind the Hollywood sign (there isn't really an answer key, but use your imagination).
Possible Serial Killer Population Scenarios:
- Scenario 1: Sunshine and Serial-Free Smiles
Maybe LA is just a happy place. All that sunshine and beach weather mellow everyone out, right? Actually, there are zero serial killers in LA. It's a myth!
- Scenario 2: Distraction by Deliciousness
With an endless supply of food trucks and trendy restaurants, who has time to become a serial killer? Let's just say there's enough sunshine to keep everyone happy... and distracted.
- Scenario 3: Tinseltown Terrors
Hollywood is a place where dreams are made...and nightmares fuel blockbuster movies, right? Enough to make a horror movie producer nervous, but not enough to skip your jog (probably).
- Scenario 4: They're Everywhere! (Just Kidding... Maybe)
Is there a dark figure in every doorway? There's one on every corner... just kidding! (Maybe?)
Disclaimer: This is Not Real Serial Killer Counting
Alright, alright, so those were just a few fun possibilities. The truth is, the number of serial killers out there is a mystery. But hey, that's what makes living in a big city exciting...right?
Here's the real takeaway: We can all sleep soundly (or not, if that's your thing) because the LAPD is on the job. And who knows, maybe someday the classified files will be declassified, revealing the shocking truth (or maybe just a bunch of doodles of Chief Wiggum).
