The Great Armenian Census of Los Angeles: Counting Sheep Has Never Been So Spicy!
Ah, Los Angeles. The land of dreams, movie stars, and...a whole lotta Armenians! But just how many Armenians are we talking about? That, my friends, is a question that has both baffled and intrigued researchers for decades.
We Tried Counting Sheep, But They Kept Saying "Garen?"
There have been attempts, of course. The US Census Bureau bravely ventured in, armed with clipboards and hopeful smiles. But counting Armenians in Los Angeles proved trickier than wrangling a room full of toddlers hopped up on Pixy Stix. Why? Because every Armenian family seems to have a hidden guest room, and those guest rooms? They're like Armenian nesting dolls - always filled with relatives who just "happened to be visiting" from Yerevan.
Following the Scent of Lavash: A Breadcrumb Trail of Deliciousness
Next, the intrepid researchers tried a more sensory approach. They followed the tantalizing aroma of freshly baked lavash, a delicious Armenian flatbread. This method yielded promising results, leading them to bustling restaurants, family gatherings, and suspiciously fragrant car trunks. However, they ultimately disqualified a large portion of the population who, upon smelling lavash, simply declared, "Oh, that's my grandma's recipe!"
The Big, Fat Armenian Wedding (Guest List Not Included)
Undeterred, the researchers then infiltrated the infamous Armenian weddings. These legendary events are known for their guest lists longer than a Kardashian Instagram caption. But alas, this tactic backfired spectacularly. Drunk uncles with overflowing glasses of brandy kept shouting, "There are more of us than grains of sand on the beach!" while shoving plates of dolma (stuffed grape leaves) into their faces.
The Official (Unofficial) Tally: As Many As There Are Stars in the Sky (Almost)
So, after all these trials and tribulations, what's the official answer? The truth is, we'll probably never have a perfectly accurate count. But here's what we do know: Los Angeles boasts the largest Armenian population outside of Armenia. Estimates range from a staggering 200,000 to a mythical "enough to fill the Rose Bowl and still have some left over for Glendale."
So, the next time you're in LA and hear the rhythmic sounds of tavla (backgammon) being played, or catch a whiff of smoky barbeque – that's probably your friendly neighborhood Armenians. Just don't try to count them, unless you want to get tangled up in a heated debate about the perfect shish kebab recipe.
