Don't Worry, Folks, It Wasn't a Bumper Year for the Chicago River Styx Ferry Service (Probably)
You heard the whispers, you saw the sketchy headlines: "Chicago River Turning into a Body Soup Buffet!" Relax, take a deep dish breath, and let's dive into the not-so-murky truth (sorry, couldn't resist).
Nine Souls Took a Final Dip in 2023
That's right, nine unfortunate individuals ended up in the Chicago River in 2023. Now, that might sound like a plot point from a horror flick, but here's the thing: this isn't a new trend. Apparently, Chicagoans have a long and storied (questionable?) history of taking unintentional watery plunges. The good news? The number of drownings in 2023 is actually in line with previous years.
But Wait, There's More (Mystery, That Is)
While some cases were clear accidents, others had a touch of "CSI: Chicago River" to them. Three deaths remain shrouded in a bit of whodunit (or more accurately, a whydunit). The internet detectives, bless their armchair-sleuthing hearts, came up with some wild theories, including a serial killer on a jet ski (highly unlikely) and a particularly disgruntled group of rogue pigeons (even less likely).
The Official Take: Not a Swimming Pool
The Chicago PD and the Medical Examiner's office are, shall we say, less forthcoming with dramatic narratives. They maintain there's no evidence of foul play and that the drownings are isolated incidents. In other words, the Chicago River is not a recommended recreational spot.
So Next Time You're in Chicago...
Enjoy the windy city's many splendors! But maybe stick to exploring the Riverwalk by foot, and leave the swimming to the brave (or foolish) souls at the Polar Plunge.
P.S. If you're still looking for a thrill, try the deep dish pizza challenge. It's way less likely to end in a watery demise (and way more delicious).
