Don't Worry, Folks, It's Not As Fishy As It Sounds: A Deep Dive (Probably Not Literal) into the Chicago River's Body Count
Look, let's get one thing straight right off the bat: Chicago's a fantastic city. Deep dish pizza? Unbeatable. Architecture? Stunning. Mike Ditka's glorious mustache? A national treasure. But lately, there have been some... unsettling rumors swirling around the Chicago River. You know, that vibrant ribbon of not-quite-clear water that snakes its way through the city. Rumors about... bodies. Lots of bodies.
Hold onto your swimsuits, because we're diving in (metaphorically, of course) to explore the truth behind the whispers.
So, How Many Bodies Are We Talking About, Exactly?
Now, the exact number seems to be a bit of a moving target. Some reports say 16, others say 18, and let's be honest, counting past 10 while dodging pigeons for deep dish is a challenge. The important takeaway is there have been bodies. But before you pack your boat with chum and head to the Windy City for some morbid sightseeing, here are a few things to keep in mind:
- Drowning happens. Shocking, I know. The Chicago River, for all its charm, is a river. Bodies of water can be dangerous, especially if you've been enjoying a few too many frosty beverages with your deep dish.
- Not every death is a murder mystery. Sometimes, people sadly take their own lives.
- The Chicago Police Department is (probably) not secretly running a mob operation dumping bodies in the river.
Listen, Here's the Bottom Line
The Chicago River isn't exactly the Nile, but it's not a graveyard either. Sure, there have been some unfortunate incidents, but it's important to stay informed, not alarmed. So next time you're in Chicago, be mindful of the river (don't fall in!), enjoy the city's amazing offerings, and remember, a little healthy skepticism goes a long way. And hey, if you do see something suspicious, report it – but maybe hold off on buying that deep-sea fishing gear just yet.
