So You Want to Know How Many Cemeteries Are in Houston? You Morbid Curiosity Machine, You!
Let's face it, Houston is a sprawling metropolis. It's like a concrete jungle, but way hotter and with a whole lot less wildlife (unless you count the occasional stray possum with political aspirations). So, it naturally begs the question: with all those folks living it up (or should I say, livin' it down?), how many cemeteries does this fair city need?
The Great Houston Graveyard Guesstimate
Now, I wouldn't want to steer you wrong, but pinpointing the exact number of Houston cemeteries is trickier than parallel parking a pickup truck in a Buc-ee's parking lot on jerky refill day. There are several reasons for this:
- The Greater Houston Metropolitan Area is a Vast and Hungry Beast: Houston itself is big, but the sprawl stretches out further than your grandma's pecan pie recipe on Thanksgiving. Should Sugar Land cemeteries count? What about Katy? The debate rages on, much like a discount fan on a Houston humidity high.
- Not All Cemeteries Are Created Equal: Some are grand and gothic, like a haunted mansion on a budget. Others are smaller, more intimate affairs. There might even be a secret celebrity graveyard hidden somewhere guarded by armadillos with laser beams for eyes (don't quote me on that last one).
Here's What We Do Know (and Don't Know, But Can Speculate Wildly About)
- The Internet Knows a Lot, Maybe: Websites like Find a Grave put the number around 135. That's a lot of tombstones, folks! Enough to make you wonder if there's a discount for bulk headstones.
- Some Sources Cast a Wider Net: CauseIQ bumps the number up to 117 for the entire Houston metro area, which, again, depends on how you define "metro." Are we talking tumbleweeds or traffic jams?
The Bottom Line: It's a Spooky Bunch
Look, the exact number might be a mystery shrouded in fog (or maybe just Houston haze), but one thing's for sure: there are a ton of cemeteries in Houston. Enough to make you consider cremation and a celebratory luau instead, if you're into that sort of thing.
Hey, maybe that's a new business opportunity: "Rent-a-Houston-Ghost Tour! We guarantee chills, or your entrance fee back (because, let's be honest, it's already scary enough in Houston without ghosts)."
But hey, on a more serious note: cemeteries are a part of Houston's history, and they offer a glimpse into the lives of those who came before us. So next time you're driving by one, take a moment to ponder the eternal questions: where does time go? Is there a heaven for armadillos with laser eyes? And most importantly, where can I find the best breakfast tacos in this city?
