The Not-So-Heavenly Shootout: How Many Angels Did NOT Get Their Wings?
Alright, folks, gather 'round for a story that's both tragic and frankly, a little bizarre. We're talking about the (unholy) ruckus that went down at Lakewood Church in Houston, you know, Joel Osteen's crib. Buckle up, because this one's got more twists than a pretzel dipped in spaghetti.
The Main Event: Bullets Over Blessings
On a sunny Sunday, when most folks were prepping for the Super Bowl or contemplating another week of existential dread, a woman named Genesse Moreno decided to liven things up at church. Now, Genesse wasn't exactly bringing a potluck casserole. No, she waltzed in with an AR-15, looking more like Rambo than ready for a hymn.
Things escalated faster than a toddler hopped up on pixie sticks. Shots rang out, folks dived for cover quicker than you can say "amen," and the whole situation went sideways faster than a waltzing nun on roller skates.
The Body Count: Less Hallelujah, More Uh-Oh
Now, the question everyone wants answered: how many folks bit the dust in this holy warzone? Here's the deal:
- The Perpetrator Bought the Farm: Genesse, bless her misguided heart, ended up getting ventilated by security guards. So, that's 1 down.
- Innocents Caught in the Crossfire: Sadly, two people got clipped by the stray lead blessings. Thankfully, they survived and are hopefully recovering nicely. Whew, dodged a heavenly bullet there!
- The Real Tragedy: Genesse brought her son along for this religious rampage. The poor kid got caught in the gunfire and was critically injured. This is where the story goes from weird to heartbreaking.
So, to answer your burning question, the death toll was thankfully low. But that doesn't make this whole ordeal any less messed up.
This is a good time to remind everyone that houses of worship should be sanctuaries, not shooting galleries. Let's keep the pews for praying, not for spraying bullets.
The Aftermath: Head-Scratching and Healing
The whole incident left Houston scratching its collective head and the authorities with more questions than a philosophy exam. What was the motive? Did someone forget to tell Genesse it wasn't "bring your assault weapon to church" day? The investigation is still ongoing, so we'll have to wait for the answers.
In the meantime, let's send good vibes to the survivors and hope young Genesse Jr. pulls through. This whole thing is a sad reminder that sometimes, even in the house of God, crazy can come knocking.
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