The Great Gazing into the Crystal Ball, or: How Many Grad Students Does UH Actually Have?
Ah, the University of Houston. Home of the Cougars (though debatable if they actually hunt anything on campus these days), tier-one research, and... a whole heap of grad students. But how many grad students, you ask? That, my friend, is a question that has baffled philosophers, confused accountants, and probably kept a grad student statistician up all night crunching numbers (because, you know, deadlines).
Where Numbers Go on Vacation: The Mystery of the Missing Headcount
The University of Houston, bless their bureaucratic heart, loves data. They track everything from the number of rogue squirrels on campus (it's a surprisingly high number) to the amount of coffee consumed during finals week (enough to fuel a small rocket launch). But for some reason, the exact number of grad students seems to be a closely guarded secret.
Exhibit A: The Runaround
You try to find the official grad student count on the UH website. You navigate through a labyrinth of menus, dead links, and pop-ups advertising the latest alumni discount on inflatable mascots. Finally, you think you've found it! A webpage titled "Graduate Student Demographics." But alas, it only tells you the grad student population by hair color preference (shockingly, brunette comes out on top).
Exhibit B: The Elusive Professor
You corner a friendly professor, desperate for an answer. They furrow their brow and mutter something about "departmental quotas" and "administrative black holes." They then offer you a knowing wink and say, "Let's just say there's enough grad students to keep the library cafes buzzing and the TAs overworked." Thanks, professor, very helpful.
So, How Many Grad Students Are We Talking About Here?
Here's where things get interesting. We can't rely on official figures, so let's get creative.
- The Latte Factor: We know UH has a thriving coffee culture. If we estimate the average grad student consumes 2 lattes a day (to fuel all that research and late-night studying), and multiply that by the number of coffee shops on campus... well, it's a lot of lattes. A whole lot.
- The Backpack Brigade: UH is a sight to behold during class changes. The sheer volume of backpacks traversing the campus could rival a migrating herd of elephants. Each backpack, presumably, belongs to a grad student (because undergrads like to travel light, right?).
Based on these highly scientific methods (patent pending), we can safely assume the number of UH grad students falls somewhere between a small army and a medium-sized convention.
But hey, if you ever do stumble upon the official grad student headcount, hit me up. We can celebrate with, what else, a celebratory latte!
