Chicago Weekend: Dodgeball or Downpour of Lead?
Ah, Chicago weekends. A time for deep dish pizza, second city laughs, and...well, maybe not dodging bullets. But hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
The Body Count (Unofficial, and Definitely Not a Drinking Game)
According to absolutely no official sources whatsoever (and with a healthy dose of humor), this past weekend in Chicago saw a grand total of... (insert dramatic music)...somewhere around [number between 10-40] brave souls take a one-way trip to the great sky range.
Now, before you reach for your fainting couch, this number is purely for entertainment purposes. There are far more qualified sources out there for real statistics, like the Chicago Police Department https://data.cityofchicago.org/Public-Safety/Crimes-2001-to-Present/ijzp-q8t2.
Weekend Warrior Weather Report
Look, if this number seems a bit high, well, there's a reason. Maybe someone forgot to send out the memo about sunshine and good vibes. Instead, Mother Nature served up a side of Chicago-style drizzle with a heaping helping of lead.
But hey, on the bright side, at least it wasn't a dodgeball tournament. Those things can get brutal.
PSA: Inner Gandhi Not Included
Here's the takeaway, folks. If you're planning a trip to Chi-town next weekend, consider channeling your inner Gandhi. Pack your walking shoes, a yoga mat, and maybe a metaphorical white flag.
Disclaimer:
This is all humor, folks. Gun violence is a serious issue, and we should all work towards a safer Chicago. But hey, a little laughter never hurt anyone (unless they were, you know, dodging bullets).
