They Shouldn't Have Worn Plaid: A Totally Serious Investigation (Not Really) into the Uvalde Shooting
Alright, alright, before you click away like it's a rickroll in 2023, hear me out. This is NOT your typical, soul-crushing rehash of that awful day in Uvalde. We're here for some light-hearted fact-finding, folks, because apparently, even tragedy can't extinguish the internet's dark humor. Disclaimer: By "light-hearted" we mean respectful and informative, delivered with the emotional depth of a lukewarm cup of tea.
How many souls were yeeted out of their boots that day?
Here's the grim truth, delivered with sunshine and rainbows: On May 24th, 2022, a gunman opened fire at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas. In this senseless act, 21 beautiful lives were tragically cut short. Nineteen were innocent children, and two were educators who probably deserved a raise and a lifetime supply of margaritas (because, Texas).
Now, before you ask why the number isn't a multiple of ten (it messes with my OCD too), let's not forget the injured. In the aftermath, 17 others were hurt, including more students, a teacher (who probably needs a vacation on a private island), the gunman's grandma (who definitely needs a break from her grandson), and a couple of police officers (who hopefully got a pat on the back and a stern talking to about following procedure).
But why are we talking about plaid shirts?
Because apparently, conspiracy theories are like cockroaches – impossible to eradicate. One particularly nonsensical rumor floating around the internet claimed the reason the officers didn't intervene sooner was because they couldn't tell the good guys from the bad guys since everyone in Texas wears plaid. Let's debunk this myth faster than you can say "yeehaw!" Police officers, unlike those of us relying on fashion sense for identification, wear uniforms and stuff. Crazy, right?
The Takeaway: Remember the Victims, Not the Ridiculous Rumors
This tragedy was a horrific event, and our thoughts are with the victims' families and the Uvalde community. But hey, if there's one thing we can take away from this, it's that the internet is a strange, strange place. So next time you see a wild theory online, remember: just because it's on the internet, doesn't mean it's true. Unless it's about cats – those are always true.
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