The Great Chicago Rat Census of 2023: A Statistical Mystery (Mostly Because We Didn't Actually Count)
Ah, Chicago. City of broad shoulders, deep-dish pizza, and...well, let's just say a whole lot of furry friends who haven't RSVP'd to the "tenant screening" application.
We all know Chicago consistently ranks high on those "rattiest cities" lists. But just how high are we talking? More numerous than Cubs fans celebrating a World Series win? (Ouch, that one stings) Perhaps they outnumber the hot dog vendors lining up on Michigan Avenue?
The truth is, my friends, nobody knows exactly how many rats call Chicago home (sweet, garbage-filled home). Here's why:
- They're nocturnal ninjas: These shadow dwellers prefer the cloak of darkness for their, ahem, "urban foraging." Trying to count them is like trying to catch smoke with a butterfly net.
- They're Houdini-esque escape artists: Ever tried to corner a cornered rat? Good luck. They'll contort themselves into spaces you never thought possible, leaving you with nothing but a bead of sweat and a lingering sense of existential dread.
- They're champions of procreation: A mama rat can churn out babies faster than you can say "cheese." By the time you've counted ten, there's probably another twenty on the way.
So, what do we do with this lack of a concrete number?
Fear not, intrepid data detectives! While we may not have a precise headcount, we do have some estimates (read: educated guesses) that are both shocking and, dare I say, entertaining.
- Orkin's annual "Rattiest Cities" List uses the number of rodent-related service calls as a metric. By their calculations, Chicago holds the dubious honor of being the rattiest city in the US...for the NINTH year in a row! Clearly, these little guys are here to stay.
Fun fact!
Did you know the Chicago River is practically a rat superhighway? These aquatic adventurers use it to navigate the city with ease. Maybe that's why they never seem to get lost?
Look, on the bright side...
- At least they're not pigeons. Those guys are, frankly, terrifying.
- They probably help keep the city clean...ish. (Let's not dwell on what they might be cleaning with.)
- They add a certain...je ne sais quoi...to the city's character. You know, like that funky smell in the alley behind your favorite dive bar.
The Chicago Rat: A Love-Hate Relationship
So, there you have it. The great mystery of Chicago's rat population remains unsolved. But hey, that's just part of the charm of this wacky, wonderful city. We may share our streets (and sometimes our apartments) with these furry fellows, but hey, at least they're never boring.
