The Great Chicago Rat Census: A Statistical Mystery Wrapped in a Deep Dish Mystery
Ah, Chicago. City of broad shoulders, deep dish pizza, and...well, let's just say a whole lot of furry friends who haven't gotten the memo about social distancing. Yes, we're talking about rats, those charming little scavengers who seem to outnumber tourists at this point. But just how many of these whiskered wonders are we sharing our fair city with? That, my friends, is a question that has baffled mathematicians, mystified mayors, and kept exterminators in business for generations.
On the Hunt for a Rodent Roll Call: Why We Don't Have a Rat-عداد (ʿAdad) (Arabic for "count")
Unlike the pigeons in Trafalgar Square (you try counting those fluttering fiends!), there's no official headcount for Chicago's rat population. Why? Well, for starters, these guys are masters of disguise. They dart through alleys, vanish into vents, and can squeeze through holes the size of a dime. Imagine trying to corral these Houdini wannabes for a census!
Then there's the sheer breeding power of these prolific procreators. A female rat can churn out litters of up to 12 adorable (if disease-carrying) pinkies every few months. By the time you've counted to ten, there could be a whole new rat rave happening behind your fridge!
And let's not forget the Chicago code of hospitality. We might grumble about them, but deep down, maybe there's a part of us that admires their tenacity, their ability to thrive in even the toughest conditions. Maybe that's why we don't evict them...officially.
So, How Many Rats Are There, Really?
Here's where things get interesting. Orkin, the pest control people, have consistently crowned Chicago the "rattiest city" in the US for nine years running. That's a dubious honor, folks. But even they can't give us a concrete number.
Instead, we rely on anecdotal evidence. The number of calls to the city's rodent control hotline (which we can only imagine rings like a possessed phone in a horror movie). The reports of sightings that range from the "oh, a little guy in the garbage bin" to the "HOLY CARP, IT'S THE SIZE OF A SMALL DOG!" variety.
Then there are the "experts." Some say the rat population could be equal to the human population. Others say it's a more manageable 10:1 ratio (which, let's be honest, is still enough to make your skin crawl).
The Verdict: We May Never Know, But Here's What We Do Know:
- There are a lot of rats in Chicago.
- They're probably having a great time (free rent, endless pizza crusts, what's not to love?).
- We should all maintain a healthy respect for their hustle and their, ahem, plumbing-related capabilities.
So, the next time you see a rat scurrying down the sidewalk, just remember: they're part of the fabric of Chicago. Unwanted, perhaps, but undeniably there. And who knows, maybe one day we'll crack the code and get an accurate rat count. But hey, until then, isn't the mystery kind of fun?
