So You Think You Can Spot a Serial Killer in L.A.? Hold My Mai Tai and Let's Get Counting
Ah, Los Angeles. The land of sunshine, celebrities, and...wait, serial killers? Yep, turns out beneath the sparkling pool surfaces and meticulously sculpted hedges, there's a darker side to the City of Angels. But fear not, fellow Angelenos (and curious tourists), because today we're diving headfirst (hopefully not literally) into the murky waters of L.A.'s serial killer count.
The Numbers Game: How Many Monsters Lurk in Our Midst?
Here's the thing: pinning down a precise number is trickier than parallel parking on a Doheny Drive side street. The FBI defines a serial killer as someone who murders two or more people with a cooling-off period between each crime. But what about those with just one or two victims, waiting for their "big break" into the annals of L.A. infamy? Spooky, right?
Wikipedia, bless its internet soul, offers a category dedicated to "Serial killers from Los Angeles." As of this writing, the list sits at a cool 16. Cool? Maybe not the best word choice. Let's go with "sobering."
But here's the kicker: This is just a list on Wikipedia, folks. The dark underbelly of L.A. is vast, and who knows what lurks beneath the perfectly curated Instagram feeds.
So, Should You Be Worried? Short Answer: Probably Not (But Maybe Keep an Eye Out for Dodge Challengers)
Look, the odds of you becoming a serial killer's next victim are astronomically low. There's a much higher chance you'll get stuck in the 405 during rush hour (and that's saying something).
That being said, a healthy dose of caution never hurts. Here are some tips, straight from your friendly neighborhood non-serial killer writer:
- Trust your gut. If someone gives you the heebie-jeebies, avoid them like a bad spray tan.
- Don't walk alone at night. Especially if you're rocking Louboutins – those things are murder on the ankles (literally, if you trip and fall).
- Maybe lay off the creepy clown mask at the next Halloween party. We all get it, you're edgy.
The Lighter Side of L.A.'s Serial Killer History (Yes, Really)
Okay, there probably isn't a lighter side. But hey, we Angelenos are a resourceful bunch. We channel our anxieties into humor, like that time we all laughed nervously after the Northridge earthquake. So, here's a little something to ease the tension:
- Did you hear about the serial killer who only targeted people wearing fanny packs? Turns out, some crimes are just self-explanatory.
- What's the best way to spot a serial killer in L.A.? Look for the one complaining about the traffic. Seriously, who has that much time to kill?
Remember, folks, knowledge is power. So stay informed, stay safe, and maybe keep a can of hairspray handy. You never know when a good root touch-up might come in handy (especially if you encounter a creepy clown).
