Chicago Over Memorial Day Weekend: A Statistical Breakdown (with a sprinkle of sarcasm)
Ah, Memorial Day weekend. A time for barbecues, backyard blowouts, and...well, if the news reports are anything to go by, a whole lotta gunfire in the Windy City. But fear not, intrepid data enthusiasts (and anyone else who's morbidly curious), because we're here to delve into the, ahem, thrilling world of Chicago's Memorial Day weekend shooting statistics.
The Body Count: Here We Go Again...
So, how many unfortunate souls got caught in the crossfire this year? Buckle up, because the numbers are both sobering and slightly hilarious, depending on your preferred coping mechanism. According to various news outlets (because, let's face it, counting bullet casings isn't exactly an official CPD sport), we're looking at somewhere between 9 and 12 people who met their maker a little earlier than planned.
Important side note: These are just the confirmed fatalities. Who knows how many near-death experiences were racked up? Probably enough to fill a carnival Tilt-a-Whirl with barf bags.
The Wounded Warriors: A Celebration of Not Getting Hit (Hopefully)
Now, let's not forget the walking wounded. Estimates suggest that between 44 and 50 folks got peppered with lead but managed to cling onto dear life (and possibly develop a newfound appreciation for bulletproof vests).
Here's the real kicker: a couple of these unlucky souls were just toddlers. Seriously, Chicago, we gotta up our game when it comes to stray bullet avoidance for the wee ones.
But Hey, At Least We're Not Detroit, Right?
Look, on the bright side (if you can find one), at least Chicago isn't Detroit. Maybe. That's a whole different statistical nightmare we're not diving into today.
The moral of the story? Maybe stay indoors over Memorial Day weekend in Chicago. Stock up on Netflix, perfect your sourdough starter recipe, and pray for a world where celebratory gunfire isn't a thing. Otherwise, wear a helmet. Seriously. A helmet.
💡 This page may contain affiliate links — we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.
