Windy City Woes: How Many Bullets Flew Today? (Probably More Than You'd Like)
Ah, Chicago. City of broad shoulders, deep dish pizzas, and...well, let's be honest, a whole lot of gunfire. You'd think with all those delicious hot dog stands, there'd be more relish and less lead flying around, but hey, that's just the way the cookie crumbles (or should we say the bullet casings jingle?).
So, the question on everyone's mind (tourists with a healthy sense of self-preservation, at least) is: how many times did the Windy City erupt into a symphony of gunfire today?
Unfortunately, my crystal ball is on the fritz (probably needs a good cleaning after all those dramatic fortune-telling sessions) and I can't give you an exact number. But, fear not, intrepid internet adventurer! Here are your best bets for finding out just how many folks got "decorated" with unwanted tattoos today:
- The CPD's Twitterverse: They might not be tweeting out play-by-play updates on every shooting (one can only dream of such an exciting - and slightly terrifying - live feed), but the Chicago PD does a decent job of keeping folks updated on major incidents. Just be prepared for a lot of cryptic police jargon and enough "officer-involved shootings" to make your head spin.
- Local news websites: These guys are usually on the ball when it comes to reporting the latest gangbanging extravaganza (or, you know, just regular shootings, whatever). Just brace yourself for an avalanche of overly dramatic headlines and enough crime scene photos to fuel your nightmares for a week.
- Word on the street (but like, be careful venturing out there): If you're feeling adventurous (and maybe a little foolhardy), you could always head down to your local hot dog stand and strike up a conversation with some friendly folks. Just remember, some things are better left unsaid, especially if you don't want to get tangled up in someone else's drama.
Now, here's the golden rule: Regardless of the exact number, it's probably more than you'd like. But hey, chin up! Maybe tomorrow will be the day Chicago finally decides to settle its differences with dodgeball or a good old-fashioned pie fight. One can dream, right?
In the meantime, stay safe out there, friends. And maybe wear a helmet. You never know when a stray bullet might come calling.
