So, About This Past Weekend in La La Land... ☀️
Let's be honest, folks, keeping track of weekend activities in Los Angeles can be a challenge. Between celeb sightings at brunch, questionable decisions fueled by poolside margaritas, and that never-ending quest for the perfect açai bowl, it's a whirlwind. But fear not, because who needs a social life when you have the internet? Especially the internet to answer the burning question:
How many times did someone yell "Cut!" a little too late this weekend?
Now, before you grab your yoga mat and head for the nearest meditation dome, the good news is, I can't actually tell you the exact number of shootings. The bad news? That might be because counting sheep is more exciting than counting weekend gunfire in LA.
But hey, that's not going to stop us from having a little fun with some investigative journalism, right? Here's what we DO know:
- The LAPD probably used more bulletproof vests than skinny jeans this weekend.
- There's a good chance some stray bullets ended up auditioning for a role in the next Michael Bay movie.
- Dozens of pigeons must have perfected their "hit the deck" maneuver.
Weekend Gunfire: Fact or Fiction?
Look, let's not sugarcoat it. There have probably been more fireworks this weekend at Disneyland than celebratory gunfire. But that doesn't mean we can't appreciate the absurdity of it all.
Imagine this headline: "Karen Asks for Extra Guac, Gets Gunshot Instead." (Don't worry, it's just a metaphor...hopefully)
The Moral of the Story?
Maybe this weekend was a little too "Die Hard" and not enough "Crazy Rich Asians." The important thing is to stay safe, folks. If you hear something that sounds suspiciously like gunfire, duck and cover. If you see something, say something (unless it's about that questionable outfit you wore - that can stay between you and Instagram filters).
Here's to a quieter (and less bullet-ridden) week ahead in LA!
