The Great East of Chicago Slice Debacle: A Pizza-ential Investigation
Ah, East of Chicago pizza. A deep-dish masterpiece, a cheesy wonderland, a guaranteed napkin-destroyer. But there's a question that haunts hungry hearts and rumbling stomachs: just how many slices lurketh within a large East of Chicago pizza?
This, my friends, is a mystery more perplexing than a locked Rubik's Cube after a particularly potent glass of Chianti. Fear not, for we shall embark on a hilarious quest for the truth!
Slice Sherlocking: Consulting the Experts (or lack thereof)
First, the most obvious suspects: the official East of Chicago website. Shockingly, their menu boasts delectable descriptions of cheesy goodness, but remains silent on the crucial slice count. Cold case? Not quite! We dig deeper.
Online forums erupt in a symphony of passionate (and slightly inebriated) debates. "12 slices, easy!" one user proclaims. "I got 8 giant ones last night, fight me!" counters another. Clearly, eyewitness accounts are unreliable.
Slice Geometry: When Math Gets Messy
We delve into the realm of mathematics, that logical land of circles and pi. A large East of Chicago pizza is 14 inches in diameter. Armed with this knowledge, we could calculate the ideal number of slices based on perfect angles... but who cuts pizza into perfect angles? Do they even make rulers that cool? This method is clearly flawed, unless you're a cyborg chef with OCD.
The Slice Infiltration: An Undercover Mission (with consequences)
Desperate times call for desperate measures. I, your intrepid pizza investigator, donned a disguise (questionable mustache not included) and infiltrated an East of Chicago. "How many slices in a large?" I inquired, heart pounding. The cashier, a teenager with a look of supreme wisdom, shrugged. "Depends who cuts it, man." My perfect plan was in shambles, replaced with existential dread and a hankering for cheesy goodness. I bought the pizza anyway (research purposes, you see).
The Shocking Truth (and a moral)
Back at my not-so-secret pizza lair (aka my apartment), I wrestled with the evidence: a delicious, 10-slice East of Chicago pizza. Was this a fluke? A conspiracy? The world may never know.
Here's the truth, folks: The number of slices in a large East of Chicago pizza is a beautiful mystery, a testament to the wonderful, messy, unpredictable nature of pizza. Embrace the surprise! Grab some friends, order a large, and embark on your own slice-counting adventure. Just remember to share (or don't, we won't judge).
