So You Wanna Marathon the Texas Chainsaw Massacres: A Guide for the Guts-Loving Tourist
You've heard the legends, the whispers of a cannibalistic family in the heart of Texas, wielding power tools and a disturbing love for chili. You're curious, maybe a little too curious, and now you want to dive headfirst into the deranged world of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies. But hold on to your skin mask, there's more to this franchise than meets the chainsaw.
Chainsaw Choices: Release Date or Chronological?
There are, buckle up, nine films in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise. Nine whole movies chronicling the exploits of Leatherface and his delightful family. Now, the question becomes: how do you watch them?
Release Date: This is the path for the purists, the viewers who want to experience the franchise as it unfolded. You start with the granddaddy of them all, the grainy, terrifying original from 1974, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Then, you work your way through the sequels, witnessing the glorious camp of part 2 (yes, camp!), the oddball turns of part 3, and... well, let's just say the franchise takes some detours along the way.
Spoiler Alert: This path might leave you a little confused. The timelines get wilder than a chainsaw-wielding maniac on PCP. But hey, who needs continuity when you have pure, unadulterated horror?
Chronological Order: Maybe you crave a more sensible Leatherface experience (because let's face it, there's no such thing as a truly sensible Leatherface experience). If that's the case, then you take a deep breath and dive into the prequels. Yes, prequels! The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006) will show you how Leatherface became, well, Leatherface. Then it's prequel-palooza with Texas Chainsaw (2013) adding another chapter to the family history. After that, you can (finally!) watch the original film and follow it with the sequels.
Warning: This approach might leave you feeling like you just ate chili made with questionable mystery meat. The prequel shenanigans can be a bit much for even the most die-hard horror fan.
The "Just Wing It" Approach: This is for the horror movie equivalent of a choose-your-own-adventure book. Feeling peckish for some dark humor? Throw on Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986). In the mood for something completely nonsensical? Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994) might be your jam (or should we say, chainsaw fuel?).
Just be prepared for some serious tonal shifts and moments that will make you wonder what the filmmakers were thinking.
Final Words of Wisdom (Except Maybe Don't Take My Advice)
Ultimately, how you watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacres is up to you. Just remember, entering this franchise is like walking into a slaughterhouse with a buffet attached. There will be blood, there will be questionable fashion choices (looking at you, Leatherface), and there will be moments that will make you laugh so hard you snort. So grab some popcorn (maybe skip the chili this time), crank up the volume, and get ready for a wild ride through the dark heart of Texas.
