Windy City Weekend: More "Shots Fired" Than a Tequila Tasting Class
Hey there, news nibblers! Gather 'round for a Windy City Weekend update, where the only thing colder than the shoulder you get from canceling weekend plans is the stare of a disappointed deep dish pizza.
Now, before you skip ahead to the cute animal videos (we've all been there), let's talk about what everyone's buzzing about: the number of folks caught in the crossfire of another Chicago weekend.
The Numbers Game: Here's Where Things Get Dicey
Numbers are tricky things, especially when it comes to counting bullet holes. Some reports say 7 folks got their weekend passes revoked permanently, while others are spouting a slightly higher figure of 8. Look, all we know for sure is that it was a rough couple of days in Chi-town.
But Wait, There's More! (Because Apparently, Violence Likes Company)
On top of those unfortunate souls who got their weekend cut short, a whopping 40 others reportedly took a bullet (or two) for the team. Ouch. That's more lead exposure than a history lesson with a rogue paint chip eater.
The Weekend in Review: Highlights Nobody Asked For
- Most Dramatic Exit: A 9-year-old named Ariana Molina. This one hits hard, folks.
- Most Unlikely Shooting Location: The Gold Coast neighborhood. Because apparently, even fancy folks can't escape the weekend woes.
- Award for Most People Confused About What Weekend Means: Whoever decided to keep shooting into Monday morning. Seriously, Mondays are bad enough without dodging bullets on your morning commute.
Look, nobody wants to dwell on the negative. But hey, at least nobody got hurt trying to parallel park, right?
So here's to hoping for a calmer next weekend in Chicago. In the meantime, stay safe out there, friends. And maybe avoid standing next to anyone juggling bowling pins.
