The Great Chicago Sponge Bath: Did it Rain or Did Lake Michigan Overflow?
Ah, Chicago. The Windy City, City of Broad Shoulders... and apparently, last night, the City of Gigantic Soggy Sponge. Because let's be honest, folks, if you stepped outside this morning, you probably needed a life raft more than an umbrella.
So, the burning question on everyone's rain-soaked lips: just how much did that bucket actually dump on us?
The Official Report (or, Rain Gauge Roulette)
The weatherman, bless his ever-optimistic heart, is saying it was a measly... (checks notes dramatically) ...0.1 inches. Now, come on, weatherman, we all know that's what a hummingbird's bath looks like, not what our streets resembled this morning.
The Unofficial Report (or, That's-What-My-Ankles-Are-Saying Report)
Let's be real. We all woke up looking like extras from a waterlogged "Cast Away" remake. Scientific instruments are great and all, but sometimes, the most accurate weather report comes from sticking your head out the window and yelling, "Hey rain, are you done yet?!" Based on that highly sophisticated technique, I'd say it rained enough to fill up a small swimming pool... in your basement.
The Conspiracy Theory Report (or, Did Someone Upset the Cloud Gods?)
Look, there's no way that was just a regular ol' rain shower. This was a full-on, aquatic assault. Maybe we forgot to appease the rain gods with enough deep dish pizza offerings? Or perhaps the squirrels declared war on the pigeons and this was just some collateral sprinkler damage? Who knows, but one thing's for sure: the universe decided to give Chicago a much-needed (and possibly unwanted) bath.
The Positivity Corner (or, Finding the Silver Lining)
Okay, okay, so our commutes were a nightmare, and our shoes may be permanently squelching. But hey, at least the dust bunnies are gone, right? Plus, think of all those thirsty plants finally getting a drink! And maybe, just maybe, all this rain will wash away the memory of that time we tried deep-fried Oreos at the state fair. (Shudder).
The Final Verdict
So, how much did it rain last night? Enough to make us question our sanity, contemplate building an ark, and dream of sunny days. But hey, at least it wasn't a blizzard, right? Chicago strong, as always! Now, where's that giant inflatable pool floaty...?
