So You Wanna Attend a Funeral? From the Big House (But Not on Your Wallet) - An Illinois Inmate's Guide (Hopefully Not a Cry Guide)
Let's face it, life throws curveballs, and sometimes those curveballs involve attending a loved one's funeral...while you're a guest of the state. Now, before you bust out your best escape plan (we've all seen Cool Hand Luke, it ain't that easy), there might be a legit way to pay your respects from the outside (briefly). But here's the burning question: how much does this little field trip cost?
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| How Much Does It Cost For An Inmate To Attend A Funeral In Illinois |
Brace Yourself: It Ain't Free
Nope, attending a funeral as an inmate in Illinois isn't an all-expenses-paid vacation. The Illinois Department of Corrections (IDOC) isn't exactly shelling out for your travel expenses. Shocking, right? But fear not, there are no hidden fees (unless you count the questionable cafeteria food you've been enjoying).
QuickTip: Stop to think as you go.
Who Foots the Bill Then?
This one's on you...well, sort of. The responsibility falls on the person requesting your furlough (fancy word for a temporary release). This could be a family member, friend, or whoever's throwing the farewell shindig.
But I Don't Have Any Money!
QuickTip: Repeat difficult lines until they’re clear.
We hear you. But hey, there are ways to make it work. Fundraising, car washes (with correctional officer supervision, of course), maybe even a bake sale with some interesting "recipes" from the inside (just kidding...or are we?).
Here's the Catch (There's Always a Catch)
IDOC has some ground rules to consider before you get your hopes up for a tearful goodbye. Funerals and deathbed visits are for immediate family only, or relatives who practically raised you. So, no tearful goodbyes to your best prison buddy's goldfish (sorry, Bubbles).
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Tip: Look out for transitions like ‘however’ or ‘but’.
How to Make This Furlough Thing Happen?
Glad you asked! This is where it gets a little bureaucratic, but fret not, we've got you covered. The person requesting your furlough needs to contact the prison warden or their designated representative. They'll handle the paperwork and make sure you meet the eligibility criteria (be on good behavior, no escape attempts in the last week, etc.).
Alright, Alright, I Get It. But How Much Will It Really Cost?
The honest answer? It depends. Transportation costs, security personnel (if needed), and any other fancy footwork required for your temporary release will vary. Buckle up and be prepared to discuss the details with whoever's sponsoring your visit.
QuickTip: Go back if you lost the thread.
## Frequently Asked Questions (Because Let's Be Real, You Have Them)
How to convince my grandma to shell out for the funeral furlough? Charm offensive, my friend. Dust off those childhood memories and remind her of all the times you weren't, you know, incarcerated.
How to avoid getting into trouble during the furlough? Straight and narrow, my friend. This is your chance to show you're a responsible citizen (even if it's temporary). One wrong move and those prison walls will be calling your name faster than you can say "last rites."
How to score some decent snacks while I'm at the funeral? Let's be honest, funeral food isn't exactly gourmet. This one's on you to strategize. Maybe sneak in a granola bar in your sock (don't judge, we've all been there).
How to deal with all the emotions of a funeral while being an inmate? This one's tough. Bottling things up isn't healthy, but unloading on your grieving aunt Mildred might not be the best idea either. Maybe write a letter to express your feelings, or find a quiet corner to reflect.
How to get back into prison without looking suspicious? Just walk back in with a somber look on your face. Act natural, and nobody will be the wiser (unless you trip over a guard dog on your way back...in which case, good luck explaining that).
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