So You Want to Pre-Book Your Farewell Tour in the Houston Chronicle, Eh?
Let's face it, no one wants to think about eulogies and epitaphs before it's their time. But hey, when that time inevitably rolls around (because, you know, science and stuff), wouldn't you want to go out with a bang? Well, at least a well-written bang in the esteemed Houston Chronicle?
But first, the burning question: how much does it cost to secure your spot in the obituary section?
Don't worry, we won't sugarcoat it. The price of your final Houston Chronicle hurrah depends on a few factors, and it's not a one-size-fits-all coffin deal (sorry, couldn't resist).
The Great Obituary Price Breakdown: By the Line, Not by the Limelight
The Houston Chronicle charges per line, folks. Yes, just like those old-school grocery store receipts. The more lines you write, the more your loved ones will have to spend to sing your praises (or, you know, just list your surviving goldfish). We're talking $12.75 per line – which hey, isn't bad for a little immortality (or at least a few days' worth in the newspaper).
Here's the kicker: photos and fancy add-ons count as lines too. So, that heartwarming picture of you with your prize-winning begonia? Yep, that's gonna cost ya.
But Wait, There's More! (Because Apparently, Even Obituaries Have Upgrades)
The price can also vary depending on when you want your big debut in the obituary section. Weekdays are generally cheaper than weekends, and the Sunday edition (prime real estate for the dearly departed, apparently) will set you back a bit more.
Look, we get it. You want your obituary to be a literary masterpiece, a tearjerker for the ages. But unless you plan on leaving behind a small fortune, maybe keep it concise. Let's be honest, most people skim obituaries anyway (sorry, not sorry).
Here's a tip: Channel your inner Hemingway and focus on the most important details. Born, lived, laughed, loved, left behind a questionable collection of porcelain cats – there you go, an obituary masterpiece in ten lines or less.
The Final Farewell: It Doesn't Have to Break the Bank
Ultimately, the cost of your obituary is just one detail in the grand scheme of things. The real takeaway is to celebrate your life in a way that feels right for you and your loved ones.
Whether you go for a full-blown Chronicle extravaganza or a heartfelt message on social media, the most important thing is to leave a lasting impression. (Unless, of course, you were a notorious prankster, then maybe a skywriting message reading "So long, suckers!" would be more your style.)
