Is Florida Doomed? The Sunshine State's Half-Submerged Future (Maybe)
Florida: land of retirees, spring breakers, and questionable fashion choices. But lately, there's a new worry bubbling up (along with the ever-glades) - will Florida become Atlantis Lite?
Don't panic and stock up on pool noodles just yet. Here's the lowdown on Florida's potential submersion, sprinkled with a healthy dose of humor because, well, denial is a river in Egypt, and sometimes you gotta laugh to keep from crying (or, you know, screaming into a hurricane).
The Science Stuff (but not too science-y, we promise)
QuickTip: Skim first, then reread for depth.
Scientists, those lovely folks with lab coats and an unhealthy obsession with pie charts, predict that sea levels could rise by several feet by the end of the century. This means some low-lying areas of Florida, particularly those charming beachside bungalows, could become permanent residents of the ocean. Think beachfront property, more like beachfront seafront property.
The Worst Case Scenario (cue the dramatic music)
Tip: A slow skim is better than a rushed read.
If we, as a planet, decide poking holes in the ozone layer is a fun pastime (spoiler alert: it's not!), some projections estimate a whopping seven-foot sea level rise. In this scenario, say goodbye to Miami Beach (and hello to Miami Bay), and expect to see alligators sunbathing on what used to be Duval Street in Key West.
The Not-So-Bad News (because who needs negativity?)
QuickTip: Reflect before moving to the next part.
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The good news? This is all a "maybe" situation. If we collectively up our eco-warrior game and cut down on greenhouse gas emissions, we can curb sea level rise. Plus, Florida is a pretty innovative state. Maybe they'll invent floating houses or teach everyone to live in harmony with the mermaids (hey, a man can dream).
How to Prepare for a Partially-Submerged Florida (Just in Case)
QuickTip: Scroll back if you lose track.
Here are some tips for the future, just in case you find yourself needing to navigate a slightly wetter Florida:
- Invest in a good pair of flippers. You never know when you might need to walk to work.
- Brush up on your dolphin. "Excuse me, Mr. Flipper, can you point me in the direction of the nearest dry land?"
- Practice holding your breath for extended periods. It's a valuable life skill in any situation, really.
- Embrace the seafaring life. Arrrr, matey! Time to dust off your pirate hat and learn how to sail a houseboat.
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| How Much Of Florida Will Be Underwater |
FAQs: You Asked, We (Kind of) Answered
- How to waterproof my house? We recommend hiring a professional, unless you're handy with a giant tarp and a lot of duct tape.
- How to teach my dog to swim? This might be a good time to invest in a life jacket for Fido.
- How to move to higher ground? Start by making friends with someone who lives in Nebraska.
- How to get gills? Science fiction, my friend. Science fiction.
- How to avoid sea monsters? Sing show tunes really loudly. Everyone knows monsters hate musicals.
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