So You Want to Buy an NFL Team? How Much Will the Houston Texans Cost You (Besides Your Dignity)?
Ah, the Houston Texans. A team steeped in both passionate fans and enough drama to fuel a Shakespearean play (or perhaps a reality TV show involving disgruntled quarterbacks). But let's say you, dear reader, are a billionaire with an itch for shoulder pads and Sundays screaming obscenities at the refs. You've set your sights on NRG Stadium and the glory of owning an NFL franchise. The question remains: how much to buy the Houston Texans?
First, Let's Talk Turkey (or in This Case, J.J. Watt)
The Texans are currently valued around a cool $5.5 billion. That's a hefty price tag, even for a billionaire with a serious case of team-spirit-fueled cabin fever. Here's the breakdown:
- The Stadium: You're not just buying a team, you're buying a playground (albeit one with questionable turf quality). NRG Stadium adds another layer of complexity (and cost) to the equation.
- The Players: Deshaun Watson drama aside, the Texans have a roster of talented players. You'll be responsible for their hefty contracts, so get ready to learn the difference between a linebacker and a laxative (they both tackle you, but only one leaves you teary-eyed).
- The Staff: Coaches, trainers, water boys – they all come with a price tag. You'll need an army behind the scenes to keep this ship afloat (or at least treading water).
But Wait, There's More! (Because Buying a Team is Never Simple)
- Hidden Costs: Stadium upgrades, disgruntled mascot lawsuits (Toro has feelings too, you know!), and the never-ending battle against pigeons all add up.
- The McNair Factor: The McNair family has owned the team since its inception. There's always a chance they might dig in their heels and say, "This ain't your rodeo, son!"
So, is Buying the Texans a Wise Investment?
Honey, that depends on your definition of "wise." If your idea of a good time involves high-stakes gambling and questionable life choices, then this might be the venture for you. But if you're looking for a guaranteed return on investment, well, let's just say there are safer bets out there (like, say, beanie babies – just kidding, please don't).
The Bottom Line
Buying the Houston Texans is a gamble. But hey, if you've got the cash and the stomach for the drama, who am I to judge? Just remember, with great franchise ownership comes great responsibility (and a never-ending supply of TUMS).
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