So You Want to Buy the Washington Commanders? Here's What You Need to Know (Besides a Scrooge McDuck Money Bin)
Let's face it, owning an NFL team is the ultimate adult playground. You get to hobnob with billionaires, yell at refs from a luxury box, and stress about millions of dollars like it's a grocery bill. But before you dust off your inheritances and call up your banker, there's a teensy snag: buying an NFL team ain't exactly a walk in the park (unless that park has a ridiculously expensive gate fee).
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| How Much To Buy Washington Commanders |
Breaking the Bank: The Shocking Price Tag of Owning Burgundy and Gold
The Washington Commanders recently sold for a cool $6.05 billion. That's more money than most people will see in several lifetimes, combined with all their Monopoly winnings. Yes, you read that right. Billion. With a B. So, unless you've been secretly stockpiling diamonds or have a particularly generous sugar daddy (or mommy!), you might need to get creative with your fundraising strategy.
Here are some helpful (and slightly ridiculous) tips:
- Sell all your worldly possessions: Who needs a car when you can hitch rides on your private jet, right?
- Start a nationwide bake sale: Who can resist the irresistible allure of a well-frosted cupcake in the pursuit of an NFL dream?
- Become a TikTok influencer: Hey, those dances gotta be worth something, especially if you can convince Bezos to sponsor them.
Pro Tip: Be prepared to explain to your significant other why they can't have that new car and you can buy a football team.
QuickTip: The more attention, the more retention.
They Don't Just Throw the Team at Anyone (Unless You're Bezos)
Even if you manage to scrape together the funds (or convince your pet goose to lay golden eggs), there's more to it than just throwing a suitcase full of cash at the owner. The NFL has a very fancy (and selective) ownership committee that vets potential buyers. They want to make sure you're not a shady character and that you have the financial wherewithal to keep the team afloat (and by afloat, we mean buying even more expensive snacks for the luxury boxes).
So, you better be prepared to show them your financial statements, your collection of participation trophies (they might be impressed by your perseverance!), and maybe even a character reference from your mom (because everyone loves a mama's boy, right?).
FAQ: Your Burning Questions Answered (Probably)
1. How to convince my spouse that buying a football team is a good investment?
Tip: Read at your natural pace.
This one's a tricky one. Maybe focus on the potential for PSL (personal seat license) profits? Or the endless supply of free hot dogs?
2. How to qualify with the NFL's ownership committee?
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Be prepared to open your financial records wider than a hippo's mouth. Show them you're a responsible adult (even if you are buying a giant, expensive toy).
Tip: Reading twice doubles clarity.
3. How to come up with $6.05 billion?
This is where the bake sale idea comes in. Also, check your couch cushions for spare change. You never know what you might find.
4. How to deal with the pressure of owning an NFL team?
QuickTip: Use posts like this as quick references.
Deep breaths and a good therapist are a must. Maybe take up yoga?
5. How to celebrate buying the Washington Commanders?
Champagne showers in the locker room? A victory lap around the stadium on your pet elephant (because why not?)
So, there you have it. Buying the Washington Commanders: a dream for some, a financial nightmare for others. But hey, if you've got the cash, the gumption, and a love for burgundy and gold, who are we to judge? Just remember, with great ownership comes great responsibility (and a never-ending stream of debates about the name).
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