So You Wanna Unleash the Windy City's Fury: A Totally Not Serious Guide to Acquiring the Chicago Sweeper in RE4 Remake
Ah, the Chicago Sweeper. The weapon that screams "business time" while simultaneously yelling "pew pew pew" at a comical rate. This submachine gun chews through Ganados like a lawnmower on high setting, and who wouldn't want that kind of power (besides maybe the Ganados themselves)? But before you go John Wick on some villagers, here's a hilarious (mostly) guide on how to snag this beast of a weapon.
Step 1: Embrace the Grind (or Not, We Won't Judge)
First things first, you gotta complete the game on Professional difficulty. Now, hold on there, Mr./Ms. Trigger-happy! Don't go chugging a gallon of Monster and prepping for a hardcore gaming retreat just yet. Professional difficulty is a whole different beast (not the kind the Chicago Sweeper excels at, thankfully).
Here's the funny part: you gotta get an A rank. Yeah, that means saving ammo, dodging like a pro ballerina infected with rabies, and probably muttering sweet nothings to the merchant like "pretty please with a cherry on top" for every single purchase.
But wait, there's more! (cue dramatic music)
If you're feeling a bit...ahem, unprepared for Professional difficulty, you can always tackle it on a lower setting first. Get a feel for the game, stock up on those sweet, sweet upgrades, and then blast through Professional on New Game Plus. You'll (hopefully) be a headshot maestro by then, making that A rank a breeze (or at least a slightly less stressful hurricane).
**Step 2: Prepare for Emotional Rollercoaster (This is where the humor kicks in)
Alright, so you bit the bullet (hopefully not literally against a chainsaw Ganado) and tackled Professional. Now comes the emotional rollercoaster of the ranking system.
- Time: Did you spend more time lost than a tourist in a corn maze? Not ideal.
- Continues: Did you die more times than a fly caught in a Venus flytrap? Uh oh.
- Items: Did you hoard treasures like a squirrel with a nut obsession? That's good! You gotta keep that merchant happy.
Basically, you're aiming for a gold medal performance here, folks. No participation trophies in the zombie apocalypse.
Step 3: Behold! The Chicago Sweeper is Yours! (Unless You Messed Up)
If you conquered Professional difficulty with an A rank (or shed a tear or two but still made it), congratulations! You've unlocked the Chicago Sweeper. Now go forth and unleash a hailstorm of bullets upon anything unfortunate enough to cross your path.
Remember: Great power comes with great responsibility (and a hefty ammo bill). But hey, at least you'll look stylish while dispensing Ganado justice.
Bonus Tip: If all else fails, there's always the internet. There might be some (ahem, unofficial) ways to acquire the Chicago Sweeper, but that's a story for another time...and maybe a different website.
