You Broke in the Big Apple? A Hilarious Guide to Making Money in NYC (That Won't Get You Arrested)
Ah, New York City. The city that never sleeps...or, if you're reading this, probably never stops refreshing your bank account with a growing sense of dread. Fear not, fellow financially challenged friend! There's more to making it in the concrete jungle than fancy suits and trust funds (although, those wouldn't hurt). Here's your survival guide to becoming a New York Minute millionaire (well, maybe not millionaire, but at least enough for that delicious slice of dollar pizza).
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| How To Get Money In New York |
Get Crafty (Without Getting Arrested)
Forget selling bootleg DVDs on the subway (been there, done that, got chased by a very energetic mime). Unleash your inner Martha Stewart and turn your hobbies into cash! Etsy is your oyster, friends. Handmade catnip mice? Upload! Origami recreations of the Empire State Building? Do it! Action figures fashioned from repurposed takeout containers? (Hey, it's a niche market!) This city thrives on weird, so get creative!
Tip: Reflect on what you just read.
Become a Professional Tourist
Look, those selfie sticks and "I <3 NY" shirts aren't selling themselves, are they? Channel your inner tour guide and take advantage of the endless stream of wide-eyed visitors. Walking history tour with a dramatic flair? You got it! Themed scavenger hunts ending in discount pizza places? Genius! Just remember, history buffs might scoff at your tales of Hamilton writing his raps right here on this very street corner (pretty sure he wasn't around in 2024), but hey, a tip's a tip!
Befriend a Wealthy Dog (Just Don't Kidnap Them)
Okay, this one requires some finesse. New Yorkers love their furbabies more than fair-trade coffee. Become the ultimate dog walker, the whisperer of poodles, the Saint Bernard of service. Walk enough pups and you'll be rolling in enough Benjamins to buy your own designer dog bed (because priorities). Bonus points for offering "emotional support human" services to particularly neurotic chihuahuas.
QuickTip: Use posts like this as quick references.
Important Side Hustle Disclaimer:
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Please note, the advice above may not land you on the cover of Forbes. There's also a chance you'll get bitten by a chihuahua with a Napoleon complex. But hey, you won't be bored!
Tip: Highlight what feels important.
How To FAQs
How to find a job dog walking?
- Put up flyers or advertise on pet-sitting websites!
- Network in dog parks (strike up conversations with anxious owners, but avoid looking too eager... maybe fetch the tennis ball first).
How to sell crafts online?
- Pretty up your Etsy page with high-quality photos and quirky descriptions.
- Target your niche market (think "catnip for discerning felines" vs. just "catnip").
How to avoid getting arrested for being a fake tour guide?
QuickTip: Keep going — the next point may connect.
- Focus on entertainment over historical accuracy. Tourists rarely fact-check your tale of the Empire State Building being a giant robot in disguise.
- Maybe avoid leading tours past actual tour guides. Those guys can get territorial.
How to deal with a difficult dog on a walk?
- Treats are your friend! If that fails, try distraction with a good game of fetch (or a well-timed squirrel sighting... just kidding... mostly).
- Remember, even the yappiest yorkie deserves a good walk (and a hefty tip).
How to find discount pizza?
- Explore! Every neighborhood has its hidden gems.
- Befriend a local bodega owner. They know all the best deals (and might even throw in a free can of expired soda for your troubles).
So there you have it! Now get out there and make that New York City money, folks! Remember, a little hustle, a lot of heart, and a sprinkle of absurdity can go a long way in this city. Just try not to spend it all on overpriced avocado toast (guilty as charged).
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