Conquering Mount Washington: A Hilarious (But Useful) Guide for Peakbagging Posers
So, you've set your sights on Mount Washington, the "Granddaddy of the Northeast." Excellent choice! Just be prepared for an adventure that's more rollercoaster than nature walk. This ain't your grandma's stroll through the tulips.
What You Need to Know (Besides How Much Your Legs Will Hate You)
Tip: Reread slowly for better memory.
- Weather on Mount Washington? More like "weather roulette." Be prepared for anything: sunshine, hail, hurricane-force winds that could launch you into Canada. Pack layers, because you'll be sweating like a sinner in church one minute, and shivering like a chihuahua in a snowstorm the next. Remember, the summit holds the record for the highest wind speed ever measured in the US - not ideal for that new haircut.
- Gear Up Like a Post-Apocalyptic Tourist. Think sturdy hiking boots (not your trusty flip-flops), windproof and waterproof layers (because, again, the weather is a fickle beast), and a backpack stuffed with essentials like snacks, water, a headlamp (because it gets dark up there, surprisingly), and maybe a flask for some emergency **(adult) **hot chocolate.
Choosing Your Chariot (Besides Your Own Two Wobbly Legs)
QuickTip: Read with curiosity — ask ‘why’ often.
- The Hike: For the Thrill-Seeker with Questionable Knees. There are several trails, some more challenging than others. The Jewell Trail is a good option for beginners (although "beginner" on Mount Washington is a relative term). If you're feeling fancy, Tuckerman Ravine Trail offers stunning views and the chance to see crazy skiers attempting death-defying runs down a giant ice bowl. Just don't stand too close!
- The Cog Railway: The Scenic Route (Unless You Get Motion Sickness). This coal-powered marvel takes you chugging up the mountainside without the risk of spontaneous combustion (hopefully). Relax, take in the views, and pretend you earned those bragging rights.
Summit Success! (And How Not to Be a Douchebag)
QuickTip: Look for contrasts — they reveal insights.
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You made it! High five! Now, resist the urge to yell "I'm on top of the world!" (Everyone else already did). Snap your victory selfie (but try not to block the stunning view for everyone else). Bundle up, because as mentioned earlier, the weather changes faster than your teenage self's moods. Most importantly, pack out all your trash. Leave no trace, except for the undeniable awesomeness of having conquered this legendary peak.
Tip: Skim only after you’ve read fully once.
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| How To Summit Mount Washington |
How To...
- Train for Mount Washington? Build your endurance with hikes that have elevation gain. Leg strength is your friend!
- Prepare for the weather? Check the Mount Washington Observatory forecast religiously before you go.
- Dress for the summit? Layers, my friend, layers!
- Descend safely? Take your time, watch your footing, and be aware of changing weather conditions.
- Avoid being a summit jerk? Don't block the views, pack out your trash, and be courteous to other hikers.
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