Conquering California: A Guide for the Clueless Tourist (and Maybe Some Savvy Travelers Too)
Ah, California. The land of sunshine, movie stars, and beaches that seem to stretch on forever. But for the intrepid traveler, it can also be a land of bewildering freeways, questionable burritos, and seagulls with a serious kleptomania problem (seriously, those guys will steal your fries). Fear not, fellow adventurer! This handy-dandy guide will equip you with the knowledge to navigate the Golden State like a seasoned pro (or at least help you avoid the worst tourist traps).
Getting There: Plane, Train, or Rental Car Roulette?
Flights: California's got airports scattered around like glitter at a preschool craft party. Los Angeles (LAX) and San Francisco (SFO) are the big kahunas, but there are plenty of smaller ones closer to your final destination. Just remember, SFO can be foggy as a politician's promise, so pack some patience if you're flying there.
Trains and Buses: Sure, they're an option. But unless you're عاشق السفر (ashiq al-safar, Arabic for "in love with travel" and the patience of a saint), prepare to become intimately acquainted with the Californian countryside...at 50 mph.
Rental Cars: The classic California move! Just remember, California freeways are like a living game of Mario Kart. There will be aggressive shell-throwing (read: honking) and last-minute pit stops (read: traffic jams). But hey, at least you can blast the Beach Boys with the windows down and pretend you're in a movie chase scene.
Where to Stay: From Hostels with Questionable Hygiene to Luxury Living (on Ramen Noodles)
Hostels: They're cheap, they're social, and they come with a free side of questionable characters snoring in the next bunk. If you're comfortable swapping travel stories with a guy named Steve who smells like patchouli oil, then a hostel might be your jam.
Hotels: There's a hotel for every budget in California. Just be sure to factor in those pesky resort fees that can turn a "cheap" hotel into a not-so-cheap one.
Camping: California boasts some of the most epic camping spots in the country. Just be prepared for wildlife encounters of the not-so-cute kind (think raccoons that think your backpack is a buffet). Pro tip: Store your food in a bear locker – or sleep with it next to you if you enjoy the thrill of living dangerously.
Luxury Rentals: If you're ballin' on a budget of a Hollywood producer, then by all means, splurge on a fancy rental with a pool and an ocean view. Just remember, the fanciest digs won't necessarily shield you from the wrath of a Californian traffic jam.
Packing for Paradise: What NOT to Forget (Because Let's Face It, You Will Forget Something)
- Sunscreen: California sunshine is no joke. Slap on that SPF 50 like your face depends on it (because it kind of does).
- A Hat: Unless you want to look like a lobster on vacation, a hat is essential.
- Layers: California weather can be fickle. One minute you're basking in sunshine, the next you're in a Karl the Fog induced sweater situation (especially in San Francisco).
- Comfortable Shoes: California is a state that begs to be explored by foot. So ditch the stilettos and pack some comfy kicks for all that walking (or running away from those aforementioned klepto seagulls).
- A Sense of Adventure: California is full of surprises, from hidden hiking trails to quirky roadside attractions. Keep an open mind and be prepared to embrace the unexpected (like accidentally ending up at a celebrity yoga class in Malibu).
With this guide in your back pocket (or backpack), you're well on your way to conquering California. Just remember, the most important thing is to relax, have fun, and maybe dodge a rogue frisbee or two at the beach (because yes, that's a thing in California). Happy travels!
