So You Wanna Unleash the Lead Storm: A Hilarious Guide to Acquiring the Chicago Sweeper
Ah, the Chicago Sweeper. The bane of Ganado and the wet dream of any self-respecting merchant. This submachine gun turns enemies into chunky salsa faster than you can say "pew pew." But how, you ask, do you get your manic little mitts on this overpowered masterpiece? Well, my friend, prepare for a journey that's both hilarious and harrowing, like a clown car full of zombies.
Step 1: Embrace the Grind (or Hope You're a Speed Demon)
First things first, you need to beat the game. Easy, right? Except... it's not. You gotta conquer it on Professional difficulty. Now, imagine Professional difficulty as a particularly spicy vindaloo that gives you nightmares. Nightmares filled with laser beams and chainsaw men.
But hey, there's a silver lining! If you manage to pull off this feat in under 7 hours, you snag an A Rank and the Chicago Sweeper is yours. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy... if you're some kind of lightning-fast, headshot-machine.
For the rest of us mere mortals, there's another option. You gotta grind, baby! That means multiple playthroughs, carefully conserving ammo and ruthlessly selling every shiny object you find that isn't nailed down. Because let's face it, who needs a fancy brooch when you can melt faces with a hail of bullets?
Step 2: Befriend the Merchant (or Plot His Downfall)
This quirky fellow is your key to ammo, upgrades, and eventually, that glorious Chicago Sweeper. But be warned, his prices are about as inflated as a rogue Ganado on helium. My advice? Become his BFF. Shower him with compliments on his questionable fashion sense. Maybe even offer to help him with his "inventory management issues" (wink wink, nudge nudge, all those grenades you "borrowed").
Alternatively, you could plot his demise and loot his entire shop. But that's a story for another day... and possibly a therapist.
Step 3: The Glorious Payoff (and a Cautionary Tale)
Finally, after all that blood, sweat, and probably a few controller-throwing tantrums, you'll have enough Pesetas to buy the Chicago Sweeper. It's a beautiful moment, like a puppy licking your face... except way less messy (hopefully).
Just a word of caution: This gun is a bullet hose. You'll be Rambo in no time, mowing down enemies with reckless abandon. But remember, with great power comes a lighter wallet. You'll be burning through ammo faster than a pyromaniac at a fireworks sale.
So there you have it! A not-so-serious guide to acquiring the Chicago Sweeper. Now go forth and conquer those Ganado hordes, just try not to go bankrupt in the process!
