How Will I Know? A Whitney Houston Deep Dive (For When Regular Dating Advice Fails You)
Let's face it, folks. Dating in the 21st century is a confusing mess of swipes, ghosts, and existential dread. You meet someone cute, there's a spark, and suddenly you're Whitney Houston belting out "How Will I Know" from your apartment balcony (highly discouraged, by the way. Noise complaints are a real buzzkill).
But unlike Whitney in that iconic music video (looking fabulous, by the way, those shoulder pads were a bold choice), you have no magical chorus line to tell you if this dude is "down with the crew." Fear not, for I, your friendly neighborhood dating guru (with questionable qualifications, but excellent taste in music) am here to decode the mysteries of the modern man through the lens of Whitney's timeless masterpiece.
Part 1: The Signs (Because Apparently, Men Are As Subtle As A Brick Wall Thrown Through A Window)
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"How Will I Know If He Really Loves Me?" This, my friends, is the million-dollar question. Whitney asks it, we ask it, our cats ask it while judging us silently. Here's the truth: If he loves takeout more than cancelling plans to see the latest superhero flick with you, that's a red flag bigger than a Texas rodeo. A real keeper will, at the very least, pretend to enjoy the movie (while secretly texting about sports scores, but hey, baby steps).
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"I Say A Prayer With Every Heartbeat." Now, Whitney might have been a little dramatic here, but there's a point. If your dates leave you feeling constantly stressed and needing spiritual intervention, that's a sign you might be headed for heartbreak hotel (with apologies to Elvis). A good relationship should feel, well, good!
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"Falling In Love Is So Bittersweet, This Love Is Strong, Why Do I Feel Weak?" Girl, preach! That initial infatuation stage is a rollercoaster. But if you're constantly feeling like you're walking on eggshells or questioning your own sanity, it might be time to hit the eject button. Love shouldn't make you feel like a nervous puddle.
Part 2: Decoding Mixed Signals: A Whitney Houston Lyric Translator
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He Says: "I'll call you tomorrow." Whitney Translation: "This was fun, but I need a break to play video games for 48 hours straight."
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He Texts: "Haha, you're so funny!" (after you've sent your 10th hilarious meme) Whitney Translation: "I appreciate the effort, but I'm still struggling to understand this whole 'internet' thing."
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He Shows Up Looking Like He Rolled Out Of Bed. (Which, to be fair, you might have too) Whitney Translation: "He's comfortable enough to be himself around you. This could be a good sign...or he just forgot laundry day again."
Part 3: But Whitney, What If He Doesn't Love Like I Love You?
Listen, Whitney may not have had all the answers (though her voice was heavenly), but here's the truth: you deserve someone who makes you feel amazing. Don't settle for crumbs, my friend. You are a radiant beam of light, and you deserve a love that echoes the power of your voice in the shower (because, let's be honest, that's where most Whitney singalongs happen).
So, the next time you find yourself asking "How Will I Know?" remember these wise words: trust your gut, listen to Whitney (always), and don't be afraid to belt out a power ballad to scare away any unworthy suitors. Now go forth and conquer the dating world, Whitney style!
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