So You Wanna Be a California Cat Burglar? (But Not Really, Crime is Bad)
Hey there, aspiring Danny Oceans and chill Kathryn Merrigans of the world! Ever dreamt of scaling the Hollywood sign, Ocean's Eleven style, to snag that giant letter "O" as a (highly questionable) souvenir? Well, hold on to your grappling hooks, because the law might have something to say about your pilfering pursuits.
California, the land of sunshine, movie stars, and, apparently, a fairly strict threshold for felony theft. In the Golden State, if you lift something shiny (or not-so-shiny) that's worth more than $950, then BAM! You're potentially facing felony charges. That's right, friends, grand theft is the name of the game, and it ain't grand for your criminal record.
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But wait! There's more to this heist story than meets the eye (unless you're wearing a particularly stylish monocle). California law loves its gray areas almost as much as it loves avocados on toast. Even if you snatch that "O" and it weighs in at a cool $1,000, the prosecutor can still decide to charge you with a misdemeanor. So, what gives?
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Well, it all boils down to a fancy legal term: "wobbler." Yes, you read that right. Grand theft is a wobbler in California, meaning it can wobble between a misdemeanor and a felony depending on the mood of the judge, your criminal history (hopefully non-existent!), and the overall scariness of your crime. Did you just grab a candy bar from the corner store or were you rocking night-vision goggles while rappelling down a skyscraper? Big difference.
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Here are some other theft-related tidbits to keep your sticky fingers in check:
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- Firearms and Fish: These are California's precious little darlings (especially the fish, probably). Stealing a gun or pilfering from a commercial fishery? That's an automatic felony, no questions asked.
- Employee Embezzlement: Don't nickel and dime your way to a felony. If you steal from your employer over a 12-month period, and the grand total adds up to more than $950, you're looking at felony charges.
The moral of the story? Crime doesn't pay, especially in California. If you're looking for thrills, stick to Disneyland. The churros are way less risky (and tastier) than a felony conviction. But hey, if you're still set on your thieving ways, at least now you know the legal lay of the land. Just remember, with great theft comes great responsibility...to lawyer up!
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