Doing Time in the Keystone State: A (Slightly) Lighter Look at Pennsylvania's Federal Prisons
So you (or someone you know) landed yourself a staycation in one of Pennsylvania's delightful federal prisons. Don't worry, it's not all bad news! Here's a whistle-stop tour of the joint(s) you might be calling home (away from home?):
 |
| What Federal Prisons Are In Pennsylvania |
The Big Houses: High-Security
- USP Lewisburg: This granddaddy of prisons is steeped in history, though maybe not the kind you want on your resume. Lewisburg offers a "balanced philosophy" which translates to...well, let's just say it's not a Club Med situation.
Not-So-Big Houses: Medium-Security
QuickTip: Read again with fresh eyes.
- FCI Allenwood: Allenwood isn't all bad! It's actually a complex with three facilities, offering a range of security levels. So you might get lucky and snag a spot with a slightly less intimidating view.
- FCI Loretto: Don't be fooled by the charming name. Loretto isn't exactly known for its luxurious accommodations (unless you're a fan of beige everything).
- FCI Schuylkill: Here's the thing about Schuylkill: it's closed on Mondays and Tuesdays. So if you're looking for a weekend getaway (not that you're going anywhere), this might be your best bet.
Campgrounds (Sort Of): Minimum-Security
- Satellite camps: Scattered around the state are these minimum-security camps. Think of them as the retirement homes of the prison system. Just with less shuffleboard and more mandatory headcounts.
Important Note: This is not an exhaustive list. Federal prisons are like cockroaches - there's always more than you think!
Finding the Perfect Place (for someone else, obviously)
Tip: Slow down when you hit important details.
Need to track someone down in the Pennsylvania prison system? The Federal Bureau of Prisons website is your best friend: https://www.bop.gov/.
## Frequently Asked Questions (because someone has to ask)
How to find out what security level a prison is?
Check the BOP website! They categorize their facilities by security level.
QuickTip: Pause after each section to reflect.
 |
How to send money to an inmate?
Don't send it directly to the prison. The BOP has a special process - again, check their website for details.
Tip: The details are worth a second look.
How to visit an inmate?
There are rules, and there are lots of them. The BOP has a whole section on visiting procedures on their website. Be prepared to jump through some hoops.
How to break someone out of prison?
Absolutely not! We don't condone criminal activity here. However, there are plenty of resources online for finding a good lawyer...
How to avoid ending up in prison in the first place?
This might be the most important question of all. Here's a crazy idea: follow the law! It's a radical concept, but it works wonders.
 |
