George Washington: More Than Just a Face on the Dollar Bill (Seriously, Though, That's a Lot of Faces)
Let's be honest, folks. We've all seen George Washington's mug on the one-dollar bill. The man practically invented the selfie (except with much less duckface and a whole lot more powdered wigs). But there's way more to this Founding Father than meets the eye (or the slightly grubby bill you fished out of the vending machine). So, buckle up, history buffs (and those of you just here for the funny Founding Father facts), because we're about to take a deep dive into the life and times of the one, the only, George Washington.
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| What George Washington Did |
From Farmboy to Revolutionary Rockstar
Washington wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth (though he probably would have preferred one – dudes wore a LOT of buckles back then). He started out as a simple Virginia farmhand, but his leadership skills were as sharp as his hunting knife. By the young age of 20, he was surveying land like a boss (which basically means he spent a lot of time walking around in the woods with a compass, probably dodging bears – very adventurous stuff).
Then came the American Revolution. The colonists were like, "Hey, Britain, this whole 'taxation without representation' thing isn't really working for us," and Washington, ever the patriot, became the commander-in-chief of the Continental Army. Now, Washington wasn't exactly Rambo, but he did have a certain strategic je ne sais quoi (that's French for "I don't know what," but it sounds fancy). He led the ragtag colonial troops through brutal winters and improbable victories, eventually forcing the British to say "uncle" (or the equivalent in 18th-century British).
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Fun Fact: Washington had a terrible temper. Like, seriously bad. But hey, maybe that's what you need to win a revolution.
The OG Power Player: From General to President
After the war, Washington could have just chilled on his massive plantation, Mount Vernon, sipping fancy tea and counting his slaves (which, yes, is a dark part of history, and we shouldn't gloss over it). But Washington wasn't one to retire. He knew the newly formed United States needed a steady hand to guide it through its awkward teenage years (think teenage America, but with less angst and more muskets). So, in 1789, he became the very first President of the United States.
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Basically, Washington set the precedent for all future presidents. He established the cabinet, figured out how many terms a president should serve (spoiler alert: he only served two), and even avoided wearing a crown (because, you know, the whole "independence from a monarchy" thing).
Did You Know? Washington had wooden teeth! Seriously, they weren't exactly chomping on cob.
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The Legacy of George Washington: More Than Just Cherries
So, what can we learn from George Washington? Well, besides the importance of good dental hygiene (seriously, those wooden teeth...), here are a few takeaways:
- Leadership matters. Washington's ability to inspire and unite people was key to the success of the American Revolution and the early years of the United States.
- Don't be afraid to break up with your parent country. Sometimes, independence is the best path to happiness (just ask the American colonists).
- You can be a badass Revolutionary War general and still avoid wearing tights. Take that, Marquis de Lafayette!
Frequently Asked Questions (Revolutionary Edition)
How to wear a powdered wig without looking like a giant marshmallow? Practice makes perfect. Also, consider using a less-sugary hair product.
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How to avoid getting shot during a revolution? Stay low, have a good battle buddy, and maybe invest in a really sturdy helmet.
How to win a war with an army that barely has shoes? Surprise is key! And maybe a little help from some French friends.
How to deal with a grumpy boss (like, say, King George III)? Sometimes, the best solution is just to quit and start your own country.
How to be an awesome Founding Father? Be brave, be bold, and maybe have a catchy nickname like "The Father of His Country."
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