Never Gonna Dance (Again): What If We Never Met, Whitney?
Let's face it, Whitney. We all owe you a debt of gratitude. Your voice? An actual national treasure. Your power ballads? Enough to melt glaciers and rekindle cold war tensions. But have you ever considered, what if our paths had never crossed? Would the world be a bleaker, less harmonious place? Let's take a deep dive into this alternate reality, shall we?
Sub-Heading: A World Without the "Nippy"
First things first, Whitney, without you gracing the music scene, moms at Christmas karaoke would be a much quieter affair. Mariah Carey might have gotten a head start on those high notes, and let's be honest, nobody wants that kind of pressure.
Sub-Heading: The Bodyguard? More Like The Bodyguard... Zzz
Remember that iconic scene in The Bodyguard where Kevin Costner bursts through the door just as you belt out "I Will Always Love You?" Goosebumps, right? Well, in this parallel universe, that scene would be, well... awkward. Costner might be trying to protect Rachel from a rogue accountant instead, the soundtrack replaced with elevator music. Shudder.
Sub-Heading: The Upside: More Glitter for Everyone Else!
Okay, okay, enough of the gloom and doom. There might be a silver lining (or should we say, a sequined lining?) to this never-meeting scenario. With you not around to snatch up all the awards and accolades, the 80s music scene might have been a bit more open. Maybe Madonna would have gotten to wear that infamous conical bra twice!
The Heart of the Matter
Look, Whitney, even in this bizarre alternate reality, your impact is undeniable. You brought joy, you brought power, and you brought some seriously fierce outfits. The world might be a different place without you, but one thing's for sure: we'd all be singing a different tune.
So, the next time you belt out a high note from beyond the pearly gates, know this: we appreciate you, Whitney. We truly, deeply, and very loudly appreciate you.
