So, You're Saying a Nuke Hit LA? How to Survive (or Not) the Apocalypse-ish Afterparty
Let's face it, folks, the odds of a nuclear war are about as slim as finding decent parking at the Grove on a Saturday. But hey, prepare for the worst, right? So, crack open a coconut (because apparently those things can survive anything) and settle in for a glimpse of what LA might look like after a nuclear boom.
Sunshine Noir: The Blast and Beyond
Imagine the scene: it's a Tuesday (because who wants their apocalypse on a weekend?), and suddenly the sky does a not-so-fabulous impression of a second sun. Cue the screams, the existential dread, and the desperate scramble for that avocado toast you've been meaning to make. Buildings turn into confetti, freeways become parking lots (well, more so than usual), and the Hollywood sign? Let's just say it won't be needing a facelift anymore.
But wait! There's more! After the initial shockwave comes the lovely afterparty gift of radiation. Think of it as a free tan that comes with a complimentary side of nausea and a heightened chance of glowing in the dark (not recommended for clubbing).
Fallout Fashion: What to Wear When the World Ends
Forget your skinny jeans, folks. Post-apocalyptic chic is all about layering. Think multiple dust masks (because fashion is about options!), a tin foil hat that doubles as a makeshift antenna to pick up post-apocalyptic radio signals (think K-Pop turned survival tips), and maybe a pair of those neon leg warmers you never threw out. Safety first, but looking fly is a close second, right?
The New LA Diet: From Avocado Toast to Crickets (Ugh)
Forget your kale smoothies and gourmet burgers. The new LA staple will be cockroaches (protein!), mutated houseplants (fibre!), and the occasional unwary tourist (don't judge, we all gotta eat). Basically, it'll be like a trendy juice cleanse, except way less voluntary and way more likely to give you dysentery.
Entertainment Options: Because Even in the Apocalypse, We Need a Distraction
Movie premieres? Cancelled. Theme parks? Radioactive dust bunnies. But fear not, culture vultures! We'll have all-new forms of entertainment. Think post-apocalyptic shadow puppets featuring the silhouettes of those unfortunate souls who didn't make it, apocalypse bingo (who gets radiation sickness first? The influencer with the most Botox?), and maybe even some good old fashioned storytelling around a radioactive campfire (don't get too close, though).
Dating in the Wasteland: Finding Love in the End Times
Let's be honest, with the whole radiation thing, chances are your options will be slim pickings. But hey, desperate times call for desperate measures. Maybe that person who never texted you back will suddenly seem appealing? Just be sure to ask about their Geiger counter readings before getting too close.
So there you have it, folks. A glimpse of what LA might look like after a nuclear war. Hopefully, it'll all remain a bad reality TV show. But hey, if not, at least you'll be prepped with your post-apocalyptic avocado toast recipe (because some things never change).
