Whitney Houston: Living Her Best Life (and Probably Shading Mariah Carey on Twitter)
We all know 2012 wasn't exactly the greatest year. Besides the Mayan apocalypse that never happened (rude!), we also lost the incomparable Whitney Houston. But what if, in a twist worthy of a telenovela, Whitney never left the building (or rather, the bathtub)? Let's delve into this alternate reality, buckle up, and unleash your inner voice (because Whitney definitely would).
Whitney: The Comeback Queen (and Maybe a Side Hustle)
First things first, Whitney would be SLAYING at 63. Imagine the voice, honey! Honey, I mean HONEY! She'd be out there touring with a Vegas residency so legendary, Celine Dion would be taking notes (and possibly borrowing some sequins).
Now, Whitney wouldn't be afraid to embrace her, ahem, interesting financial choices of the past. There'd definitely be a tell-all book titled "I Will Always Love My Money: Deals, Divas, and Don't Let Nobody Dim Your Light" (with a foreword by Dolly Parton, obviously). And who knows, maybe a Whitney Houston School of Charm and Hair Flips would be gracing strip malls across America.
The Music Scene: Whitney vs. The Millennials
Of course, the music industry's a whole new beast in 2024. Whitney might raise an eyebrow or two at the dominance of mumble rap (although, low-key, a Whitney Houston diss track collab with Cardi B would be pure fire).
But let's be real, Whitney would adapt. Imagine a soulful Whitney Houston ballad with a killer trap beat – award show gold, people! She'd be out there collaborating with the likes of Beyoncé (who'd probably faint with excitement) and Lizzo (because a Whitney and Lizzo flute duet is the musical dream we never knew we needed).
Social Media Shenanigans
The internet, oh the internet. Whitney would be a social media queen. We'd be treated to hilarious workout videos (because that woman never skipped leg day), inspirational quotes delivered with a knowing wink, and maybe even the occasional subtweet aimed at a certain whistle-register-loving songstress (Mariah, we're looking at you).
Whitney's clapbacks would be legendary. Imagine someone coming for her wig on Twitter, only to be met with a reply that reads: "Bless your heart. Didn't your mama teach you to respect your elders?" with three fire emojis. Case closed.
The Legacy: Whitney, the Icon, Not the Statistic
Ultimately, a world with Whitney Houston is a brighter, more musically inclined world. She'd be a beacon of strength and talent, reminding us all that even the biggest voices can overcome challenges.
So, let this be a lesson: take care of your Whitney Houstons, people. They're a national treasure, and the world needs their light (and flawless high notes) to shine on.
