The Great Houston Geriatric Jitterbug: What in Tarnation is Making Everyone Feel Yucky?
Howdy, partners, and welcome to another episode of "Houston: We've Got (a Bunch of Icky Stuff) Going On."
Now, listen up, because folks around these parts haven't been feeling too peachy lately. We're talking sniffles, coughs, and that overall "bleh" feeling that makes even the tastiest kolache taste like yesterday's news. But fear not, citizens, because we're here to sort through this medical mystery with a heaping helping of Texas-sized humor.
The Usual Suspects: Redux
First on the rodeo clown car of suspects: our old nemeses, COVID-19 and the flu. Now, these two varmints have been causing chaos for a while now, but you'd think they'd at least have the decency to take turns, right? Apparently not. Reports say they're still moseying on around, so keep your mask handy and that flu shot up to date.
The Springtime Surprise: Allergies Gone Wild!
But wait, there's more! Just when you thought you were safe from the sniffles, Mother Nature throws a curveball. It seems those pesky spring allergies decided to throw a hootenanny, unleashing a pollen blizzard that's left even the toughest cowboys with watery eyes and scratchy throats. Bless your heart, y'all, stock up on tissues and allergy meds – this ain't your grandma's hay fever!
The Mystery Malware: When Your Body Turns on You
Now, this one's a real head-scratcher. Doctors are seeing a rise in upper respiratory infections that aren't quite COVID, flu, or allergies. We're talking fatigue, body aches, the whole nine yards. Some folks are calling it the "Mystery Malware," because it just messes with your system in mysterious ways. Stay tuned for updates on this cryptic critter, but in the meantime, maybe gargle with some Lone Star goodness – it can't hurt, right?
The Moral of the Story? Don't Be a Germ Magnet!
Look, folks, the bottom line is this: wash your hands like you just wrestled a sack of rabid armadillos (because, frankly, you never know in this state). Social distance when you can, and if that green goo is dripping from your nose like a faucet stuck on "high," for the love of pecan pie, stay home!
Remember, a healthy Houston is a happy Houston. So let's all do our part to keep this town hootin' and hollerin', not coughin' and wheezin'. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with a box of tissues and a giant mug of sweet tea. Y'all take care!
