The Ivy League Club Smackdown: Finding Your Tribe (or Pretending You Have One) in NYC
Ah, the Ivy League clubs of New York City. bastions of tradition, mahogany, and old money (or at least the illusion of it). But with eight different clubs, each repping a prestigious university, how do you, a discerning individual of refined taste (and possibly a crippling student loan debt), choose the right one? Fear not, for I, your friendly neighborhood social club guru (disclaimer: I may or may not have snuck into a few fancy galas) am here to guide you through this labyrinth of tweed jackets and hors d'oeuvres.
The Contenders:
Harvard Club: The granddaddy of them all. Think stuffy library with a side of power lunches. Great if you want to rub elbows with CEOs and politicians, but bring your most impressive name-dropping skills. Bonus points: They probably have a secret handshake involving stock options.
Yale Club: Home to the "Handsome Dan" alumni (yes, that's their mascot, a bulldog). Slightly less pretentious than Harvard, with a more "jolly good fellow" vibe. Expect to hear hearty laughs and discussions about crew regattas (whatever those are).
Columbia Club: Where the Wall Street crowd meets the intellectual elite. Think suits and briefcases mingling with professors discussing Proust. Great place to find someone to debate the merits of cryptocurrency while sipping a martini.
Princeton Club: A touch more whimsical than the others. Think afternoon tea parties and lectures on obscure historical topics. Perfect if you want to channel your inner F. Scott Fitzgerald (minus the alcoholism, hopefully).
Brown Club: The "cool kid" of the Ivy League bunch. More relaxed atmosphere with a focus on art, music, and social justice. Ideal if you want to network with creative types who might not wear a tie ironically.
Dartmouth College Club (shares space with Yale): Think rugged individualism meets Ivy League pedigree. Expect to find outdoorsy types who can discuss both the latest Patagonia sale and the finer points of existential philosophy.
University of Pennsylvania Club: The "work hard, play hard" club. Expect a mix of young professionals and established alumni who like to unwind after a long day with a good cocktail (or three). Great for networking and maybe finding a date for that upcoming charity gala.
Cornell University Club: The wildcard! Located midtown, it boasts a younger crowd and a focus on innovation and entrepreneurship. Perfect if you're looking to connect with the next big tech startup founder (or just score some free kombucha).
Choosing Your Champion:
Ultimately, the best club for you depends on your vibe. Do you crave power lunches or poetry readings? Want to network with financiers or folk singers? Here's a handy cheat sheet:
- Power Player: Harvard Club
- Social Butterfly: Yale Club
- Wall Street Wizard: Columbia Club
- Literary Lion: Princeton Club
- Creative Soul: Brown Club
- Rugged Intellectual: Dartmouth College Club
- Workaholic with a Social Life: University of Pennsylvania Club
- Techie on the Rise: Cornell University Club
Still Undecided? Fake it 'til you make it! Just pick a club, throw on your best blazer (borrowed or otherwise), and exude an air of confidence. Who knows, you might just find your tribe (or at least a decent glass of wine).
FAQs:
How to sneak into an Ivy League Club? Don't. It's not cute and security is tight. Network your way in or snag a guest pass from a member.
How to afford membership? cries internally Most clubs have initiation fees and annual dues. Maybe start a side hustle or marry into money.
How to dress for an Ivy League Club? Think classic and professional. A suit is always a safe bet, but some clubs have a more relaxed dress code. Check the website beforehand.
How to act in an Ivy League Club? Be polite, respectful, and avoid spilling your drink on the priceless antique rug. Basically, don't be a barbarian.
How to have fun in an Ivy League Club? Relax, make conversation, and enjoy the unique atmosphere. Who knows, you might even learn something new (or at least score some free cheese puffs).
