California Men's Colony: Where (Maybe) You Can Do Time and Learn to Crochet (Unless You Screwed Up Real Bad)
Ah, California. Land of beaches, Hollywood dreams, and...prison? Yes, even paradise has its not-so-sunny spots, and one of those is the California Men's Colony (CMC), located near San Luis Obispo.
Now, before you pack your flip-flops and a good book thinking this is a correctional resort, let's get a few things straight. CMC is a prison, and incarceration ain't exactly a walk on the beach (though, being on the California coast, it might be a walk on some pretty nice sand...from a distance, of course).
But wait! There's more! Unlike some of its more, ahem, rustic counterparts, CMC has gained a bit of a reputation for being...well, fancy-ish. Think less Alcatraz, more minimum security with a view.
Here's the deal:
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Location, Location, Location: CMC sits snuggled up to California's beautiful central coast. While you won't exactly be catching any rays on the beach (although some might argue yard time qualifies as sun exposure), the scenery ain't half bad.
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Club Fed...light? CMC has been dubbed by some as a "country club" prison. Now, we're not talking room service and caviar, but compared to other institutions, CMC offers a wider range of programs, including things like educational courses, vocational training (think mechanics or welding, not underwater basket weaving...although that might be useful in some circles), and even art therapy (because everyone heals differently, and maybe you just need to express yourself with a paintbrush instead of a shank).
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Firefighting Felons: One particularly unique program is the Level I camp program. Basically, inmates with good behavior get to participate in firefighting and conservation efforts. So, you could be making amends for your crimes by, you know, saving some trees from other flammable felons (allegedly).
But is it all sunshine and roses? Not quite. Remember, it's still prison. There are bars, there are guards, and there are likely some dudes you wouldn't want to share a cafeteria tray with. And while the recidivism rates might be lower at CMC compared to other prisons, it's still no walk in the park (remember, no beach access).
So, what's the takeaway? California Men's Colony is a prison, but it's a prison with a twist (like a lemon-lime twist in lukewarm prison Kool-Aid). Whether it's a luxurious resort for reformed characters or a slightly less harsh reality check is a matter of perspective. One thing's for sure, though: if you end up there, you might just learn a new skill or two (like crocheting a tiny hat for your future pet rock...again, not beach access).
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