The Elmer Enigma: Houston, Brace Yourselves (For What, We Don't Know)
The streets are abuzz, the internet is in a tizzy, and pigeons are spreading rumors faster than ever. The question on everyone's lips (and beaks, apparently) is: What is Elmer is coming to Houston?
Is it a threat? Is Elmer some kind of supervillain with a nefarious plan for our fair city? Will he unleash an army of rogue glue sticks to stick us all to our furniture? (Don't worry, we checked with the hardware stores - Elmer's glue sales haven't shown any unusual spikes.)
Or is it a celebration? Has Elmer finally been recognized for his contributions to childhood arts and crafts? Is there going to be a giant parade with floats shaped like glue bottles and construction paper cutouts? (We wouldn't mind a confetti shower of glitter, not gonna lie.)
Theories abound:
- The Elmer Whisperer: Some claim a shadowy figure has been muttering about Elmer's arrival on street corners. This individual, however, seems more interested in pigeons than public pronouncements. Maybe Elmer speaks pigeon?
- The Billboarding Bandit: A mysterious billboard appeared a while back simply stating "Elmer is Coming." Eerie, yes, but it offered zero clues about Elmer's motives. Did a rogue marketing campaign go rogue-r?
- The Radio Relic: A few folks swear they heard a vintage radio ad for "On Time Elmer" - a reliable (but possibly dusty) service. Could this be the Elmer in question? Is he just here to fix your leaky faucet?
Look, folks, we're as clueless as a kindergartener with a fistful of crayons. But here's what we do know:
- Elmer is coming.
- Houston is (mildly) terrified/excited/intrigued.
- We'll keep you updated. (Unless Elmer sticks us to a wall of silence, that is.)
In the meantime, here are some things you can do to prepare for Elmer's arrival:
- Stock up on glue: Better safe than stuck, right?
- Practice your pigeon calls: Maybe Elmer is a misunderstood avian enthusiast.
- Dust off your old construction paper: A giant welcome sign never hurt anyone. (Except maybe for the environment. Use recycled paper, people!)
Stay tuned, Houston. This Elmer situation is about to get stickier...or maybe more glittery. We'll find out together!
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