How Screwed is Houston by COVID Today? A Totally Serious, Not-at-all-Panicky Investigation
Howdy, fellow Houstonians! Ever wake up with that vague feeling of dread that maybe, just maybe, COVID is still lurking around like a houseguest who refuses to take the hint? Yeah, me neither. Whistles innocently
But hey, let's face it, the whole "what's the COVID situation?" thing can be a tad confusing. Fear not, brave citizens, for I, your intrepid leader in all things obscure internet searches, have ventured forth to bring you the lowdown (hopefully without catching anything low... five that is).
The Great Red Scare: Houston's Threat Level
First things first, let's talk about Harris County's famous (or infamous, depending on your outlook) COVID-19 threat level system. Apparently, red means "severe," which sounds scary, but let's be honest, haven't we all achieved a permanent state of "severe" living in this fair city? Traffic? Severe. Humidity? Severe. My bank account after a weekend at Rodeo? Let's just say it would make a red alert blush.
Hold on, Didn't They Change the System?
Now, you might be thinking, "Wait a minute, didn't they ditch the red alert system ages ago?" Well, yes, some cities did. But Harris County, bless their bureaucratic hearts, seems to be clinging to the red alert system like a toddler to a lukewarm juice box. Maybe they just like the color red? It goes well with our crawfish boil traditions?
So, Should We Panic Now?
Calms you down with soothing voice Easy there, partner. While the red alert might sound like sirens wailing and zombies shuffling down Main Street, it doesn't necessarily mean we need to reenact Mad Max in the HEB parking lot. Let's dig a little deeper.
Beyond the Red Alert: Numbers Don't Lie (Usually)
Apparently, Harris County uses a whole bunch of metrics to determine the threat level, like hospital capacity and those pesky positive test rates. Here's the good news: some folks say things are looking better! Positivity rates are down, hospitals aren't overflowing... yet. But hey, let's not tempt fate, shall we?
The Bottom Line: Be Smart, Don't Be a Stink Bug
Look, COVID isn't exactly gone on vacation. The best defense is a good offense, as they say in football (or maybe that's just Coach Belichick). Get vaccinated, wear a mask if you feel iffy, and wash those hands like you just wrestled a gator for a photo op. By using a little common sense, we can keep Houston rolling (hopefully not literally, because that traffic is bad enough already).
P.S. If all this talk of threats and alerts has you craving a good conspiracy theory, well, there's always the rumor that the red alert system is just a ploy to sell more HEB face masks. Just sayin'.
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