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The Big Apple's Rotten Spots: A Mostly-Serious Guide to Avoiding NYC's Not-So-Glittering Gems
New York City! The city that never sleeps, the concrete jungle where dreams are made of... and where you might accidentally stumble into a scene straight out of a B-movie. Fear not, intrepid traveler, for this handy guide will steer you clear of the subways that smell like forgotten dreams and the hot dog stands dispensing questionable mystery meat.
QuickTip: Return to sections that felt unclear.
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| What Places To Avoid In New York |
Here's the lowdown on where to avoid:
Reminder: Reading twice often makes things clearer.
Desolation Row: The Industrial Wastelands
- Hunts Point, Bronx: Look, even superheroes need a break from fighting crime. Hunts Point is where they go for some peace and quiet (and maybe to avoid accidentally inhaling something funky). This industrial zone is best left to the experts in hard hats and steel-toed boots.
- Fresh Kills Landfill (Staten Island, technically): This former landfill is now a park (seriously!), but unless you're a bird or a curious raccoon, this ain't exactly your top tourist destination.
Where Angels Fear to Tread: The Sketchier Side of Town
- East New York, Brooklyn: This neighborhood has a certain... grit to it. It's best to admire its, uh, architectural beauty from a safe distance (like, way in the back of a taxi).
- Certain Parts of the Bronx (We Don't Want to Name Names): Look, the Bronx has a rich history and a ton of amazing things to offer. Just stick to the well-lit areas, maybe avoid wearing a giant neon sign that says "Lost Tourist," and you'll be peachy.
But wait! There's more! New York City is a constantly-evolving beast, and sometimes sketchy areas can surprise you. Here are some general tips:
Tip: Absorb, don’t just glance.
- Listen to your gut. If a place feels off, it probably is.
- Travel in groups, especially at night. There's safety in numbers, and there's also hilarity in witnessing your friend trip over a grate.
- Be street smart. Don't flash your fancy camera around in dark alleys, and don't try to pet the suspiciously buff-looking pigeons.
Tip: Avoid distractions — stay in the post.
FAQ: How to Avoid the Weirdness in NYC
- How to avoid sketchy characters? Just act more confident than you are, and maybe carry around a slightly-used copy of "Moby Dick" for dramatic readings if things get dicey.
- How to avoid getting lost in the subway? Download a map beforehand, and pretend you know exactly where you're going (even if the flickering fluorescent lights and cryptic announcements make you question everything).
- How to avoid overpriced tourist traps? Do your research! There are a million hidden gems in this city, so skip the overpriced "authentic" New York slice and find a bodega with a line out the door.
- How to avoid getting yelled at by a taxi driver? This one's a crapshoot, but knowing where you're going and having cash on hand might help.
- How to avoid feeling overwhelmed? Take a deep breath, grab a giant slice of pizza, and remember you're in the freaking Big Apple! Embrace the chaos, and you might just have the best adventure of your life.
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