The Big Apple's Big Houses: A Not-So-Luxurious Guide to NYC Prisons
So you're curious about the clink in the concrete jungle, huh? Maybe you're writing a gritty screenplay, or perhaps you just misplaced your Great Aunt Mildred and suspect she's gotten into a spot of trouble (those bridge games can get intense). Whatever your reason, you've come to the right place! Today, we'll be your not-so-glamorous tour guide through the correctional facilities of New York City.
Rikers Island: Not Quite Alcatraz, But Definitely Not a Resort
We can't talk NYC prisons without mentioning Rikers. This sprawling island complex houses a variety of facilities – think of it as a correctional buffet. It's not exactly a five-star experience (think lukewarm cafeteria food and questionable plumbing), but hey, it's got that "rustic charm." Fun Fact: Rikers is actually planning to close its doors in the coming years, so enjoy this historic landmark while you can (from a safe distance, of course).
Pro tip: Don't confuse Rikers Island with Riker's Island, which is a completely different place where they probably have much better bagels.
Manhattan Detention Complex: Boutique Jail in the Heart of the City
Feeling fancy? Then the Manhattan Detention Complex might be for you (well, maybe not for you, but you get the idea). Located in Lower Manhattan (prime real estate!), this jail caters to those awaiting trial. Think of it as a temporary holding cell with a million-dollar view (of other brick buildings).
Things to do: Enjoy staring longingly out the bars at the bustling city life you can't be a part of.
Other Notable Names: A Rogues' Gallery of Rehabilitation Centers
New York City boasts a colorful collection of correctional facilities beyond the big two. There's the Queens Detention Complex (currently not housing inmates, but hey, good for them!), the Brooklyn Detention Center (which sounds fancy, but trust us, it's not), and a bunch of others with names that sound more like accounting firms than places of incarceration.
Remember: Just because a jail is in Brooklyn doesn't mean it has anything to do with hipsters or artisanal cheese.
Frequently Asked Questions (Not Exactly Frequently Answered)
How to avoid ending up in a NYC prison? A. Follow the law. B. Don't upset your Great Aunt Mildred. C. Both A and B. (We recommend C).
How to visit someone in a NYC prison? A. Look up the specific facility's guidelines. B. Pack light – they're pretty strict about what you can bring in (and out).
How to break someone out of a NYC prison? A. Don't. Seriously, that's a terrible idea. B. Watch a lot of action movies and formulate a foolproof plan (emphasis on the fool). C. Just stick to visiting them legally (see question above).
How to get a job working in a NYC prison? A. Look up the New York City Department of Correction website. B. Be prepared for a challenging but rewarding career.
How to make friends in a NYC prison? A. We're not sure we recommend this one. B. Maybe take a social butterfly class beforehand.
