So You Want to Escape the Alligator Shuffle? States That Border Florida (Besides the Ocean)
Florida: the Sunshine State, land of theme parks, and legendary retiree haven. But what if you're craving a change of scenery? Maybe the constant threat of a rogue pool float becoming a gator pool toy just isn't cutting it anymore. Well, fear not, friend! Because while Florida may be surrounded by water on most sides, there are actually two landlocked neighbors ready to welcome you with open arms (or at least, not quite as open arms as those alligators).
Alabama: The "Hey Neighbor" State
Alabama, to the west, is like that friendly (but slightly eccentric) cousin you never knew you had. They'll share their sweet tea and college football obsession, and you might even get dragged to a monster truck rally.
Pros: Beautiful beaches (sugar-white sand, not quite the "gator-infested swamp" vibe), lower cost of living than Florida (because, let's be honest, those Mickey Mouse ears ain't cheap), and the undeniable thrill of being able to say "I live next to Florida...but I don't live IN Florida."
Cons: Prepare for some seriously hot and humid summers (Florida might have the gators, but Alabama has the humidity), college football season can get intense, and you might have to explain to people why you chose Alabama over Florida exactly zero times.
Georgia: The Peachy Keen Alternative
Georgia, to the north, is like your college roommate who always had a plan. They'll introduce you to the joys of peaches, Appalachian mountain hikes, and a thriving craft beer scene.
Pros: Breathtaking mountain scenery (a welcome change from Florida's flatness), a vibrant city life in Atlanta, and peaches. Did we mention peaches? Because Georgia takes its peaches very seriously.
Cons: Traffic in Atlanta can be a nightmare (almost as bad as waiting in line for Space Mountain), winters can get a bit chilly (prepare to dust off that sweater you haven't seen since you left grandma's house), and you might miss those random roadside alligator exhibits.
The Final Verdict (Unless You Prefer the Ocean)
So, which state is closer to Florida? Well, that depends on your priorities. Alabama for the "hey neighbor, wanna see my prized collection of porcelain Elvis busts?" vibes, or Georgia for the mountain hikes, peaches, and craft beer.
But hey, if the ocean is more your speed, there's always the Bahamas. Just don't tell the gators we said that.
How To Escape Florida (Without Actually Leaving)
1. How to avoid gators in your pool: There's no guaranteed method, but keeping your pool clean and avoiding nighttime swims can help. Or, you know, invest in a very sturdy pool net.
2. How to survive a Florida downpour: Embrace the power of the rain poncho. And remember, sunshine always follows the rain in the Sunshine State (hopefully).
3. How to speak Floridian: Master phrases like "fixin' to" and "hold my sweet tea," and learn to appreciate a good Publix sub.
4. How to identify a tourist: They'll be the ones with the sunburns and the misplaced look of bewilderment (because seriously, how did they miss that giant gator sign?).
5. How to keep the "Florida Man" spirit alive (responsibly): Live life to the fullest, embrace the weird, and always remember to look both ways before crossing the street (even if you're just dodging a rogue pool float).
