So You Want to Be King of England? A Guide (For Those Who Missed the Memo)
Ah, England. Land of crumpets, questionable weather, and a long and fascinating history riddled with beheadings, sibling rivalries, and the occasional misplaced crown. But today, we're not focusing on Henry VIII's marital woes (although, those are pretty juicy). We're here to talk about the OG king, the top dog, the chap who started it all: the first king of England.
Except... hold on a sec. It's not quite that simple. England, as we know it today, wasn't always a unified kingdom. Back in the day, it was like a messy flat share – several squabbling kingdoms all living on the same island.
Enter Alfred the Great: The Not-Quite-King-of-All-England
This legendary dude, Alfred the Great (spoiler alert: he was pretty great), ruled Wessex, one of the dominant Anglo-Saxon kingdoms. He battled Vikings, burned some cakes (allegedly!), and united much of England under his banner. But there were still some holdouts, particularly in the north, which the Vikings had carved out for themselves – the Danelaw, if you're feeling fancy.
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Alfred's Descendants: Taking Over One Pub at a Time
Alfred's son, Edward the Elder, wasn't one to let a little thing like a rival kingdom stop him. He conquered more of the Danelaw, inching England closer to being, well, England. Then came �thelstan (say that five times fast), Alfred's grandson. This ambitious fellow finally conquered the last Viking stronghold, York, in 927.
Et Voil�! The First King of (Almost) All England is Born! (Except for Wales and Scotland… Those Guys Were Stubborn)
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�thelstan, with his shiny new northern real estate, is often considered the first true king of England. He united most of the Anglo-Saxon kingdoms and ushered in a period of peace and prosperity (well, as peaceful as things get when you're a medieval monarch).
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| How Did The First King Of England Become King |
So, How Did �thelstan Become King?
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Here's the not-so-secret secret: there wasn't a single, epic moment. It was a gradual process of conquest, alliances, and a healthy dose of luck. �thelstan inherited a strong kingdom from his father and aunt, and he capitalized on that by strategically expanding his territory.
But wait, you might say, what about elections? Parliamentary debates? Didn't they have those back then?
Nope. Not really. Back then, the crown often passed down through families, although there could be some squabbling among siblings (see: pretty much every Shakespeare play ever written). Sometimes, powerful nobles might have a say, but ultimately, strength and a bit of ruthlessness were key ingredients in the medieval king-making recipe.
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How To Be King of England Today (Not That We're Encouraging It)
Alright, history lesson over. So, fancy yourself a modern-day �thelstan, ready to conquer England and claim the crown? Well, those days are over, my friend. England's a constitutional monarchy now, which means the crown is hereditary. But hey, if you're curious, here are some (completely unrealistic) tips:
- FAQ: How to Be King of England (Today)
- Be born into the royal family. This is the most important step. No exceptions.
- Wait patiently in line. There are a few people ahead of you, you know.
- Develop a taste for corgis. It's practically a requirement.
- Brush up on your Shakespeare. Extra points for knowing all the juicy royal drama.
- Learn to say "God save the King" (or Queen) with feeling. You'll need it for the coronation.
There you have it! The (slightly tongue-in-cheek) story of how England got its first king. Remember, folks, history is full of fascinating twists and turns, and sometimes, becoming king wasn't about winning a grand tournament or pulling a sword from a stone. Sometimes, it was just about being in the right place at the right time (and maybe having a really cool nickname like �thelstan).
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